Oliver the Cat Announces He has Finally Adjusted to the “New Normal”

Oliver in Repose
Oliver in Repose

Learning how to adapt to the “new normal” has been a challenge for everyone.  Oliver the Cat is no exception.  In fact, it has weighed heavily on his mind.  So heavily, he realized he needed to take immediate action to resolve this issue.  And by “immediate action,” of course, I mean take a seven-hour nap.

Oliver has three primary worries –

First, Oregon’s governor, like many others across the nation, has issued a decree that facemasks are now mandatory.  Oliver is no fool.  He’s heard the news that cats can catch COVID-19.  However, despite countless hours searching the internet – Amazon.com, Ebay.com, Bing.com and, of course, Tomcat.com, he still cannot find a mask that fits him.  Yeah!  That’s right! How could he not freak out?  There are NO cat masks to be found!

Oliver’s second concern is the lack of healthcare options should he be stricken by the deadly virus.  He’s put in his time listening to the talking heads on CNN, MSNBC and Fox News.  (As a Libertarian, Oliver likes to get all sides.)  And not once.  NOT ONE TIME, has anyone mentioned a ventilator being modified to fit a cat.

If these concerns weren’t enough, Oliver has yet another problem.  And it’s not a small one.  As you might imagine, Oliver is a BIG fan of Jocularious.com.  He doesn’t miss a column.  Several weeks ago, he read the one titled: “I’m Not Sure What the ‘New Normal’ Looks Like, But I Think It Involves Pajamas.”  Well, Oliver’s been sleeping au natural since the day he was born.  If cat pajamas exist, the cheapskates living in his house certainly haven’t shown any sign of buying him a pair. 

As Oliver pondered these problems, he felt a tremendous weight begin to overwhelm him.  He struggled to come to terms with them.  He struggled while lying on his front porch.  He struggled while taking a poop in his neighbor’s flower garden.  He struggled and struggled.  Finally, the solution dawned on him.  It was the purr-fect solution –

And that was, of course –

To stretch out for another seven-hour nap.

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