NFL Announces Plans to Play “Flag Football” to Maintain Social Distancing

Citing concern for player safety, the NFL announced today that it will modify the game this season to what it is promoting as, “The most exciting brand of flag football ever before played!”  The NFL has released a new tagline: “It’s flag Lightning, Baby!” In keeping with Center for Disease Control guidelines, the “flags” will […]

The United States Hones Down Its Choice To The Two Smartest and Most Moral Men In The Country

This week in presidential campaign news: On the Joe Biden front – Speaking through the drainpipe from his basement, Biden read a prepared statement to the delight of salivating news reporters hovered in his yard above.  Biden ended his remarks by anticipating reporters’ questions, though not taking any questions.  He gently questioned the wisdom of […]

Study Finds Middle-Aged Men Actually Believe Hawaiian Shirts Hide Their Bulging Bellies

All of us remember when we found out Santa Claus wasn’t real.  It was a devastating blow.  This was despite our suspecting as much for some time.  I suffered a similar blow yesterday.  My wife patted me on the stomach, over my beautiful Hawaiian shirt, and told me POINT BLANK, “Your stomach’s sticking out.”  Suddenly, […]

Bill Burr Nominated for Guinness World Record

Bill Burr is a tremendously talented stand-up comedian and actor.  He makes his living communicating.  You may recall your seventh grade English teacher telling you that effective communication requires using the precise word to express your thought.  Bill Burr understands this better than anyone.  He is, in essence, a wordsmith.  As it turns out, Bill […]

What Think Tanks, Fish Tanks and Armored Tanks have to do with World Naked Bike Ride Day

Television news hosts are always introducing their guests as belonging to some “Think Tank.”  This impresses me.  It probably shouldn’t.  I’m not even sure what people do in a think tank.  I picture people sitting in a circle with their eyebrows furled with an intense expression signifying that they are deep in thought – or […]