The list of items to take to my first sailing lesson concerned me. It included, “a change of clothes,” followed by the comment, “You will get wet!” Most of the items seemed fine – “sunglasses,” “US Coast Guard approved lifejacket.” But I was alarmed to see the final item on the list – “rosary beads.” […]
The fact that the parking lot was a barren landscape was the first sign that I should have abandoned my plan to shop and immediately made my escape. Nevertheless, like the stupid teenager in the horror film who goes down into the basement to investigate where all the blood and screaming is coming from, I […]
I recently made the enormous mistake of taking my blood pressure on one of those home testing machines. When I saw the reading, it almost gave me a heart attack! Let me put it this way, if my blood pressure was the stock market, we’d all be lighting cigars with hundred-dollar bills and sipping Dom […]
Fun Fact: Jesus didn’t just have one disciple named Judas, he had two. Seriously! There was that infamous Judas Iscariot, the scoundrel that betrayed him, and a lesser-known Judas. I spent an afternoon at the University of Oregon library researching the second Judas, because I wanted to know more about him and his full name. […]
Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of enjoying a short 14-hour flight from Tel Aviv to San Francisco. And, I don’t want to brag, but I was flying coach. I would have measured my leg room, but I forgot my micrometer. Fourteen hours is plenty of time to sit and ponder. It’s also time […]
I had the same TV for 20 years, but recently, family members started complaining. They said the sound didn’t work. I told them the sound DID work, you just had to do the following: 1. Turn the TV on. 2. Turn the TV off. 3. Wait eight seconds, until you hear a “click” sound. 4. […]
The first time I met my daughter Zoe’s new dog, Junie, it walked over to me in a friendly manner, seemed to smile at me, and bit me. Thankfully, I possess an amazing ability to react calmly to a crisis. So, I screamed like a girl. Zoe raced over and asked me if it drew […]
This story is absolutely true. If you don’t believe me, I can produce a hundred witnesses to confirm its accuracy. Okay, I can produce ONE. But it’s my wife, and unlike me, she’s not an irredeemable liar. DANGER: This story is a full-blown PG-13, so anyone with even a mild sensitivity to crude humor should […]
Bungy jumping, big wave surfing, skydiving – all these have one thing in common, they’re kids’ play! I’m now driving the speed limit! Cop cars are shooting past me right and left. On their way to an emergency? No, on their way to lunch. Remember when the highway speed limit was 55 mph during the […]
Most of us have dreamed of winning PowerBall. We’ve dreamed of luxury automobiles. We’ve dreamed of palatial estates. We’ve dreamed of first-class travel to exotic locations. And, of course, we’ve dreamed of changing our names to hide from our shyster relatives. By the way, I just discovered Microsoft Word drank the “woke” Kool-Aid. I found […]