Attention “General Public”: I’m not asking, I’m begging. Unless you are describing a rich, full-bodied South American coffee, please, please, P-L-E-A-S-E, stop using the word robust every five seconds. Cease and desist, people. It’s getting brutal.
Let’s stop for a moment and do some research. The Oxford English Dictionary formally defines the word “Robust” as follows:
- A descriptive word used by blowhards on both ends of the political spectrum trying to sound smarter than they are. (i.e. “The new tax cuts are likely to make our country’s economy, as well as the size of my posterior, considerably more robust.”)
- (Esp. British) A descriptive word used by blowhards in the middle of the political spectrum too. (i.e. “Hey, I might not be an extremist, but my posterior is also robust, just more moderately so.”)
If you question my complaint about how insane the use of this word has become, consider playing–
“The Robust Drinking Game”
Step 1. Turn on a talking head show (MSNBC, Fox News – it doesn’t matter) (Just make sure it’s one where the host sits there with a robust, self-satisfied look on his face).
Step 2. Take a shot of tequila every time someone who couldn’t change his own tire if you offered him a million bucks uses the word “robust.”
Step 3. After the bottle is empty, every player must describe the taste of the tequila in a single sentence, but it must include the word “robust.”
Stupid Real Life Uses of the Word Robust –
“We have the most robust military in the world.”
“The symphony’s performance schedule this season is particularly robust.”
“The subject of this episode of My 600 Pound Life is, to put it mildly, one very robust fellow.”
If you happen to be the 1 in 100,000 people who haven’t noticed the recent upsurge in the use of this word, keep your ears open this week. You’ll begin to notice it popping up more frequently than groundhogs in a Nebraska corn field.
Next week’s rant: The word “profound” doesn’t make you sound smart either.
Now that my rage over the abuse of the word robust has momentarily subsided, I’m taking a coffee break. I am going to go enjoy a rich, full-bodied South American blend. It’s a wonderful coffee, and I highly recommend it. I’d like to describe it to you, but for the life of me, I can’t think of the right word.
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