Study Finds Middle-Aged Men Actually Believe Hawaiian Shirts Hide Their Bulging Bellies

All of us remember when we found out Santa Claus wasn’t real.  It was a devastating blow.  This was despite our suspecting as much for some time.  I suffered a similar blow yesterday.  My wife patted me on the stomach, over my beautiful Hawaiian shirt, and told me POINT BLANK, “Your stomach’s sticking out.”  Suddenly, […]

Bill Burr Nominated for Guinness World Record

Bill Burr is a tremendously talented stand-up comedian and actor.  He makes his living communicating.  You may recall your seventh grade English teacher telling you that effective communication requires using the precise word to express your thought.  Bill Burr understands this better than anyone.  He is, in essence, a wordsmith.  As it turns out, Bill […]

What Think Tanks, Fish Tanks and Armored Tanks have to do with World Naked Bike Ride Day

Television news hosts are always introducing their guests as belonging to some “Think Tank.”  This impresses me.  It probably shouldn’t.  I’m not even sure what people do in a think tank.  I picture people sitting in a circle with their eyebrows furled with an intense expression signifying that they are deep in thought – or […]

I’m Not Sure What the “New Normal” Looks Like, But I Think It Involves Pajamas

A plague looms over us.  A plague so ominous it threatens our very way of life.  A life-threatening plague.  I am, of course, speaking about the invasion of the Murder Hornets.  I survived the last media-inspired killer insect scare back in the 1970s – the “Killer Bees.”  As a veteran of the Killer Bee Hysteria, […]

We’re Supposed To Be Productive During The Quarantine, So I’m Fixing the US Map

The United States is the sloppy roommate of First World countries.  Look at our map.  It’s a disaster. Whoever drew it was obviously high on “magic” mushrooms.  I should know. I live in Eugene. Our western states are okay, with the possible exception of Idaho’s “panhandle,” but we’ll let that go, because the rest of […]