Pigs in Flight

Pig FinalBy Jack Edwards

The national media paused briefly from its focus on the seemingly endless nightly unrest and rioting in the Kardashian household to cover another story of equal international importance. This involved a woman who boarded a commercial flight accompanied by her “emotional support” pig. It should come as no surprise that this created quite a stink (Ba-da-bump! I’m here all night folks!)

This story is true. You can read all about it in recent New York Post article written by Natalie O’Neill titled, “Woman Kicked Off flight after pet pig stinks up plane.” According to Ms. O’Neill’s story, passengers reported the pig “pacing around and stinking up the cabin.” The crew asked the woman and her porkly companion to disembark prior to the flight’s departure, which they did.

If you’ve ever wondered what your elected officials in D.C. have been working on during their grueling three-day work weeks, wonder no more. According to the article: “Emotional support animals — including pigs — are allowed on flights, under federal rules drafted in 2012. Monkeys, cats and even miniature horses all qualify as ‘emotional support’ animals.” (Horses, folks. These dingbats were so afraid of some noisy special interest group that they gave the go-ahead to emotional support horses!)

My first question regarding an emotion support pig on a commercial aircraft was probably the same as yours, was he in coach? I can tolerate a being treated equally to a pig in coach, but I have to draw the line at suffering the indignantly of sitting back in coach knowing that a pig is drinking champagne and wiping his hooves with hot towels up in first class.

In a story written by Bill Keveney in USA Today, a passenger reported an additional pertinent fact. The “emotional support” pig was incontinent. Mr. Keveney said that a passenger reported that the woman the pig was emotionally supporting tried to “clean up after the animal” before she got off the plane. I can only interpret the description of “tried” to mean that the pig left a souvenir for everyone to enjoy.

Adam Carolla, a long time chastiser of “support” creatures of all ilk, was quick to tweet out a link to an ABC News story to his half million followers. It contained a picture of a woman hauling a pig over her shoulder as the pig looked toward the photographer with (and I’m no expert here) a dazed look on his face.

I am usually on the same page as Corolla, and was shaking my head at the gall of somebody hauling a pig onto a flight, when I stopped and thought it through. And, frankly, I did a one-eighty. ‘Could it really get any worse?’ I asked myself. I mean the commercial coach flight experience. With or without a pig, does it really matter? I’ve sat next to plenty of people who I would have gladly traded for a moderately incontinent pig. Think about it:

1. A pig is unlikely to have a carry-on and take up overhead bin space.

2. He’s unlikely to start an inane conversation.

3. The average pig’s butt is several sizes down from any number of fellow passengers I’ve had the pleasure of flying with. (Note to the airlines: You know those metal framed units you have sitting next to the boarding gate for people to check if their carry-ons will fit in the overhead bin? Put one next to it with a sign that says, “If your behind won’t slip nicely into this space, buy another ticket.”)

All-in-all, I’ve made up my mind. Emotional support or no emotional support, I’ll take my chances sitting next to a pig.

2 thoughts on “Pigs in Flight”

    1. Put a red vest (or perhaps a red band – since it lacks arms) on it that says “Support Snake” and then just below that, “Don’t bother me, I’m working!”

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