Oregon has a rich reputation for rain, recreation and rioting. However, as a native Oregonian, I have never felt my state has been given credit for another richly deserved quality. I am speaking, of course, about insanity.
Let’s begin with its traffic laws. Consider these two Oregon traffic laws currently being enforced ̶
1. Oregon requires that a driver use his turn signal for a minimum of 100 feet before changing lanes. If a driver makes a right turn and then needs to make a left turn 50 feet down the road – and uses his left turn signal THE ENTIRE 50 FEET – a police officer can lawful stop the driver for a violation of the turn signal law. Yes, you read that correctly – Impossibility and the Newton’s Law of “God-given Common Sense,” are not a defense to Oregon’s 100-foot turn signal requirement. Welcome to Oregon!
Now, add this –
2. Oregon traffic law considers moving from a parked position on the street into the lane of travel to be “changing lanes.” Thus, getting into your parked car, and then pulling into the lane of travel requires you use a turn signal.
Here’s my point –
The logical implication of the above two laws is that every time an Oregon driver gets into his car, turns on his turn signal, and then pulls into the lane of travel – because he has not used his turn signal for 100 feet – HE IS VIOLATING OREGON’S TRAFFIC LAW!
Given the insanity of these Oregon laws, this next ditty may not come as any shocking surprise. Oregon ALSO requires the use of a turn signal even if turning in that direction is the driver’s ONLY option.
You may be thinking, “Jack, I’m sure the police in Oregon would never stop a driver for failing to use a turn signal when he is turning in the only possible direction.” And you would be wrong. A bored officer at 2 a.m. on a Saturday morning is more than happy to enforce this FLAGRANT violation.
Oregon appellate courts have interpreted our traffic laws EXACTLY as I explained above, with the exception of the “pulling into traffic” example, which, as I have explained, is a logical extrapolation of the other two laws.
By now, you’re probably thinking, ‘Okay, but every state has it’s idiosyncrasies.’ This is true, however, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit Exhibits 1, 2 and 3:
1. Do other states blow up whales? We did. Blubber flying through the sky landing on cars and spectators as far as the eye could see. Google it.
2. Did they name their major city using the flip of a coin? Oregon did. Portland had a 50/50 chance of being named Boston. (Can Oregon come up with ANY original name? It’s a miracle our state isn’t named West Massachusetts.)
And finally, I present –
Exhibit 3: Oregon didn’t have ANY laws against possessing, manufacturing or using dynamite until 1970. Prior to that, it was “bombs away!”
So, visit Oregon soon. Just be sure to obey our laws, and by “obey our laws,” I mean never, under any circumstances, should you EVER pull your car into traffic.