The mainstream media continues to push the narrative that China was the source of Covid-19.  Think twice before you buy this “fake news.” 

Answer this: What is the last thing you’ve been thinking about since you began wearing a facemask, hiding under you bed, and peeing yourself each time a stranger gets within six feet?  Murder Hornets!  That’s what! 

Call me an unhinged conspiracy theorist, but if you haven’t at least considered that Murder Hornets are behind this entire international calamity, you, my friend, just fell off the turnip truck. 

Here is a sample of the subtle headlines plastered across America that you are NOT noticing because Covid-19 stories are clogging up ALL the media space:

“Terrifying ‘murder hornets’ invade US” – UPI.

“Study: Giant murder hornets could invade entire region if left unchecked” – KOMO News.

“‘Murder Hornets’ invading U.S. will soon enter their ‘slaughter phase’” – Patriot News.

They are entering their “Slaughter Phase,” people!  Wake up!

Go ahead, Google it.  These are REAL headlines. 

And answer me another question: Why, on God’s green earth, has there not been a single question about the Murder Hornet invasion during ANY of the presidential debates? 

Donald Trump’s wall will NOT stop the Murder Hornets!  Joe Biden’s packing the Supreme Court will NOT stop the Murder Hornets!  No matter how loud Donald Trump yells or how many times Joe Biden answers a question with, “Come on, Man,” none of this is going to prevent the Murder Hornets from “stealing our democracy.”  Oh, and a little something called, “Killing us in our sleep!”

How can we address the challenge of confronting the complex, multifaceted problem of holding a presidential election with all the noise and distraction it creates, when we should be laser focused on Murder Hornets?  Well, complex problems call for complex solutions.  And by “complex solutions,” I mean flipping a coin.  Everybody says it’s going to be a close election anyway.  Why not get it over with?  We’ll have Dr. Fauci flip the coin.  Everybody loves wacky Dr. Fauci, even if he can’t make up his mind whether “the research supports” putting our underwear on our heads and walking backwards in public.  (The loser of the coin flip can be ambassador of Costa Rica.  I hear it’s beautiful down there.)

Once we’ve flipped the coin and become either a fascist or socialist nation, then we can focus of keeping the Murder Hornets from tracking down and eating our children.  We can even ask China to help.  I hear they have a laboratory in Wuhan that could use a little good PR right now.