The World’s Best Gift for Lawyers

According to the most recent census, there is one lawyer for every man, woman, child and four-legged creature living in the continental United States.  (Alaska, of course, is the wild frontier; yes, there are lawyers in Alaska, but they limit their professional activities to officiating at duels.  And Hawaii is the Land of Aloha, and Aloha means never having to hire a lawyer.)  Disturbingly, the number of lawyers continues to increase faster than a herd of bunny rabbits loose in a Viagra factory.  (Yes, it is a “herd” of rabbits.  I always thought it was a “hutch” of rabbits, but it’s a herd.  That’s what my iPhone says, so it’s true.)  This leaves us with a problem – what to get that lawyer in your life for a gift.

Let me begin by ruling out gifts you may be foolishly considering.

First, forget shark skin – especially, shark skin belts.  It’s about as original as grandma giving Johnny that t-shirt that says:  “My grandma went to Aruba, and all she got me was this lousy t-shirt.”  Besides, have you priced a shark skin belt?  Ouch! Find me a lawyer worth that.  I’d want to put him on retainer immediately.

Second, no pen and pencil sets.  Yes, it’s cheaper than a shark skin belt, but it’s equally as trite.  It sends a clear message:  “I refuse to put any thought into this at all.”

Here is the answer to your problems –

[WARNING:  The remainder of this column is an info-laughable.

Info-laughable (in-fo-laf-able), n.  a humorous blog post designed to ham-handedly hock a product.]

So, we have arrived at our destination.  The world’s best gift for lawyers.  Drumroll, please….

A book.  But not just any book – an inspirational book.

No, not a hardback (Don’t be silly.  Do you know what a hardback costs these days?).  A paperback.  An uplifting read.  One that comes to mind is The Lawyer’s Song: Navigating the Legal Wilderness

You’ll laugh.  You’ll cry.  And according to 60 Minutes, Amazon will deliver it by next-day drone.  But remember that the most important thing about presenting anyone with a book is  the inscription.  Here is my suggestion –

“Dearest [fill in the name of the blood sucker],

I hope you find inspiration within these pages to brace you through your stressful year ahead, where few truly appreciate the necessary work you do.  But, please, I beg of you, do not bill me by the tenth of the hour to read this gift!”


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Check out these great books:

The Lawyer’s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness at –

Seven Rules for the College Playground –

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –