According to the most recent census, there is one lawyer for every man, woman, child and four-legged creature living in the continental United States. (Alaska, of course, is the wild frontier; yes, there are lawyers in Alaska, but they limit their professional activities to officiating at duels. And Hawaii is the Land of Aloha, and Aloha means never having to hire a lawyer.) Disturbingly, the number of lawyers continues to increase faster than a herd of bunny rabbits loose in a Viagra factory. (Yes, it is a “herd” of rabbits. I always thought it was a “hutch” of rabbits, but it’s a herd. That’s what my iPhone says, so it’s true.) This leaves us with a problem – what to get that lawyer in your life for a gift.
Let me begin by ruling out gifts you may be foolishly considering.
First, forget shark skin – especially, shark skin belts. It’s about as original as grandma giving Johnny that t-shirt that says: “My grandma went to Aruba, and all she got me was this lousy t-shirt.” Besides, have you priced a shark skin belt? Ouch! Find me a lawyer worth that. I’d want to put him on retainer immediately.
Second, no pen and pencil sets. Yes, it’s cheaper than a shark skin belt, but it’s equally as trite. It sends a clear message: “I refuse to put any thought into this at all.”
Here is the answer to your problems –
[WARNING: The remainder of this column is an info-laughable.
Info-laughable (in-fo-laf-able), n. a humorous blog post designed to ham-handedly hock a product.]
So, we have arrived at our destination. The world’s best gift for lawyers. Drumroll, please….
A book. But not just any book – an inspirational book.
No, not a hardback (Don’t be silly. Do you know what a hardback costs these days?). A paperback. An uplifting read. One that comes to mind is The Lawyer’s Song: Navigating the Legal Wilderness
http://www.amazon.com/The-Lawyers-Song-Navigating-wilderness/dp/1608443248
You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. And according to 60 Minutes, Amazon will deliver it by next-day drone. But remember that the most important thing about presenting anyone with a book is the inscription. Here is my suggestion –
“Dearest [fill in the name of the blood sucker],
I hope you find inspiration within these pages to brace you through your stressful year ahead, where few truly appreciate the necessary work you do. But, please, I beg of you, do not bill me by the tenth of the hour to read this gift!”
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Also-
Check out these great books:
The Lawyer’s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness at –
https://buff.ly/2K41Tax
Seven Rules for the College Playground –
https://buff.ly/2IqXxgn
Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –
https://buff.ly/2roFIov