I was BORN to shelter in place. I dream of sheltering in place. It’s not 1832. We’re not huddled in a freezing “Soddy” on the plains of Western Nebraska. We’ve got Netflix, for crying out loud!
While I’m on the topic, here’s my take on the whole “hoarding” thing –
According to official verified statistics (i.e. my biased opinion), 99% of the American public is morbidly obese. And, Lord knows, I’m doing everything I can to maintain that percentage.
Ninety days of starvation is just what the doctor ordered. And by “starvation,” I mean eating two meals a day instead of four. If this virus holds up, come July, we’ll be marching around the beach like Greek Gods.
And can this be the end of handshaking? Please?! Can we finally put a knife in it? I’m as old school as you can get, but the grossness of handshaking must meet its demise.
On a side note, I do not begrudge the guilt that must be plaguing every third grader home from school right now. On one hand, he’s praying that this virus outbreak never ends. On the other, he knows that his sudden freedom may cost his 88-year-old Nana her life. Root for freedom or root for Nana? What’s a third grader to do?
As a result of all the social distancing I’ve been doing lately, I’ve had time to think about my future. Business opportunities are exploding in my head like kernels in a popcorn popper. One idea has risen above the rest –
A bacon store creatively called, “The Bacon Store.”
How could a store that exclusively sells bacon, and bacon-related products, possibly fail? The only product that exceeds the attraction quotient of bacon is crack cocaine. And bacon is LEGAL! (Of course, it probably shouldn’t be.)
The most valuable thing I’ve learned during our challenging national emergency is the definition of “Telecommuting.”
Telecommuting: “The art of getting paid to recline on a couch in your underwear, while sounding very engaged and alert on the phone.”
I guess I was born to shelter in place AND telecommute!
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