Former Trump lawyer, Sidney Powell, recently announced during a press conference that soon, VERY SOON, she would, “Release the Kraken!” Which, of course, made everybody immediately ask:
A. What is a Kraken?
B. What happens when you release it?
A quick internet search will tell you that “the kraken” is a mythical sea creature dating back centuries in Norwegian lore. This monstrous beast has giant tentacles, and after eating too much chili, attacks unsuspecting fisherman. Even Aquaman keeps his distance after this thing’s had more than a bowl.
Sidney Powell has not revealed how a giant sea creature can help President Trump prevail in his effort to overturn what appears to be a clear victory for “Good Ole Joe.” On the other hand, Krakens are “Huge.” So, I can see how Trump’s attracted to this disgusting creature. I mean, let’s face it, he was attracted to Omarosa.
Meanwhile, “Good Ole Joe” thought Powell was talking about his favorite breakfast cereal.
At this point, you may be asking, ‘Jack, thank you adding kraken to our vocabulary, but when would we ever use it?’
Thank you for asking, inquisitive fictional reader!
Here are a few examples of when you can slip the word “kraken” into a sentence to impress your family, friends and coworkers:
1. If you are, by chance, employed as a hotel bellhop, using this term will impress your guests and result in larger tips. When explaining the room’s features, after pointing out the tv remote and the mini refrigerator, you might add, “And this is the switch for the bathroom fan. Be sure to flip it on if you’re going to release the kraken.”
2. If you return home from a first date, and your roommate asks why you’re home so early, you can succinctly explain, “I pick her up, but as we were driving to the movie theatre I slipped, and accidently released the kraken.”
3. If you’re loading up for a long road trip to grandma’s, you can announce to everyone in the car before leaving, “Look, I’m only saying this once, roll down a window if you are going to release the kraken.”
Meanwhile, I hope General Mills is paying attention, because The Kraken really is a good name for a breakfast cereal.