Jan 252020
 
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Finally, our long national nightmare is almost over.  I am speaking, of course, of being forced to hear Official Cable News impeachment commentators tell us 1,000 times a day that the only beverages allowed on the Senate floor are water and milk.  For the record, I don’t buy that load of FAKE NEWS for a nanosecond.  If you think that there aren’t A MINIMUM of two dozen whisky flasks stashed throughout the Senate chamber, I’ve got some ocean front property in Arizona I’d like to sell you.

Whether you think this “historic” snooze-fest is a Galant Effort or a Witch Hunt, hopefully, we can join together to celebrate the new consumer product inadvertently discovered as a result of this impeachment trial.  Many successful consumer goods were discovered by accident.  Rogaine was invented as a heart medication.  Play-Doh was invented as a wall-paper cleaner.  Post-It Notes resulted from a scientist’s failed attempt to create a strong adhesive.  And now, thanks to the steadfast determination to keep the Russians from Stealing our Democracy (Oh, sorry, that was last week) … I meant, To Keep President Trump from Buying the Next Election, we now have one of the strongest sleep aids known to mankind.  One of these godless multinational companies needs to trademark the term, “Impeachment Strength” – and pronto. 

All of sudden, EVERYTHING is impeachment.

I overheard Oliver the Cat yesterday telling a neighborhood stray that he’s thinking about impeaching his political enemy, Milo the Dog.  From the bits and pieces, I could understand, Oliver thinks he has the votes in the House.  But he’s worried about the Senate.  Here he is looking worried (that or hungry – I’m not sure) – 

Meanwhile, I’m worried about one of my senators.  Ron Wyden has been representing Oregon since the Paleozoic Age.  I met him, and he’s a super nice guy.  But he’s got to be at least 110 years old.  These marathon impeachment sessions are brutal.  I can only hope that he’s keeping one of the approved Senate beverages close at hand, and by “approved,” I mean a whisky. 

Hang in there, Ron!

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