Dec 072019
 

I’ll admit it.  The title of this column is just a fantasy of mine.  I do enjoy imagining, however, that somewhere out there, perhaps south of the Mason-Dixon Line, one lonely peach-obsessed farmer discovered mid-impeachment hearings that the entire hubbub had nothing to do with peaches.

Sadly, not only did it have absolutely nothing to do with peaches, it didn’t even have anything to do with farmers – not even UNKRAINIAN farmers! 

The Democrats’ official position is that it is their solemn constitutional duty to remove President Trump from office due to the clear and imminent danger he poses.  And that danger is that he may well wipe the floor with whomever Marxist-sympathizer the Democrats nominate to run against him.

The Republicans’ official position is that, yes, President Trump is a lying carnival barker who wouldn’t know the truth if it snuck up and bit him on his considerable backside.  But he is THEIR lying carnival barker, and they’re going to hang onto him come hell or high water.  Oh, AND the stock market just hit 28,000!

If you are among the one-tenth of 1% of Americans actually watching the impeachment hearings, I visited the Official US Congress website and found a page called, “The Official Impeachment Definition Guide.”  I copied it, and I posted it here for your convenience –

Constitutional Crisis: Even the mere thought that “Russian agent” Donald Trump might win a second term.

Witch Hunt: The quest to find any Trump short-coming, even if Adam Schiff has to pull back the elastic band and peak into Trump’s underpants.  (A task that Schiff seems entirely willing, perhaps even disturbingly eager, to perform.)

Senate Impeachment Trial: The Senate version of kindergarten naptime, except before laying down on their mats, the senate “jurors” remove their dentures.  The verdict is expected to be a nail biter.  Senate Majority Leader McConnell seems pretty wishy-washy on the issue.  It appears he could tilt either way. 

Sleep Aid: [See Senate Impeachment Trial definition above].

Meanwhile, in “flyover country,” the people who are paying for all the Lincoln Town Cars to ushers these very important people around just want to grow their peaches.

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