The Secret Life of Oliver the Cat

Cats come in many varieties.  Among them are Persian cats, Munchkin cats, and Siamese cats.  I have a rare breed of cat.  It’s called an Alarm cat.  My Alarm cat goes off at 5:30 a.m.    And by “goes off,” I mean begins meowing quietly just outside our bedroom door every three seconds.  He then gradually increases his volume to a level just above that of the average NASA rocket launch.  Simultaneously with reaching his crescendo (I swear I am not making this up), he starts slapping the door with his paw.  I put my head under the covers and try to ignore him until I’m afraid he’ll wake the neighbors.

There are many reasons people love cats.  They’re playful.  They’re mischievous.  And, of course, they tear our upholstery to shreds. 

Oliver the Cat is no exception.  He too enjoys playing.  His favorite game is called, “Wait for the People to Leave And Knock Over All the Vases.”  Of course, this is only when he can find the time.

Here is Oliver’s demanding schedule (and by “demanding,” I mean that he does a lot of demanding) –

Wait for me to get up and then demand that I feed him his breakfast immediately.  We always keep dry food available for him but only give him canned food in the morning and evening.

Next, wait for my wife to get up, pretend he hasn’t eaten, and then demand that she feed him breakfast immediately.

(I’m embarrassed to tell you how long Oliver pulled this scam.  His owners, sadly, are not the sharpest knives in the drawer.)

It is then time for him to demand that we let out, so he can go across the street to Neighbor Jim’s house.  Once at Neighbor Jim’s house, he lies about the porch and generally acts like he owns the place – something akin to his County Estate.  So far, Neighbor Jim has been a good sport.  But I’m pretty sure the clock is ticking. 

The remainder of the Oliver’s day is spent either meowing loudly to be let back in, or, approximately 30 seconds after coming back in, following us around the house meowing at the decibel level of an air raid siren demanding to be let out again.

We love Oliver, but having an Alarm cat is challenging.  My only hope for relief is that Oliver doesn’t understand Daylight Savings Time.  I can’t wait to “Fall Back.” 

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