The Absolutely True Story of the World’s Most Evil Veterinarian

I shamelessly stole this story from a friend who I will refer to for the purposes of this column as “Bo.”  This is because his true, accurate and legal name is Bo Mackey.  Bo told me this story in confidence, so please, whatever you do, keep it to yourself.  It is now my favorite story.  It has replaced my previous favorite story about my friend Chris Linn, and Chris finding himself in third world bathroom sans any toilet paper, and concludes with him walking out of said bathroom, sans his socks.  (Don’t worry, Chris.  You’re still hanging in solidly at #2 – for your #2).

Bo swears this story is true.  After hearing it, I felt a duty (a moral obligation, actually) to share it with you, my loyal subscribers.

A friend of Bo’s has a veterinarian who is a “mobile vet” – one of those veterinarians who works out of a van.  Bo’s friend schedules this vet to stop by and see one of his dogs.  I’m not sure what the dog’s problem was, but suffice it to say, I’m sure it was for a reason that most cheapskate pet owners (me) would never consider calling a vet for.

So the vet stops by and puts a Band-Aid on the paw of this dog, or whatever service he uses his seven years of higher education to perform.  Then he hops back in his van, and while he’s backing out of the guy’s driveway, he accidentally runs over the guy’s other dog.  And it’s not a pretty situation.  Apparently, he really nailed him.  Practically spit the thing in two.

But here’s where it gets really gross.  The dog is still alive.

Luckily for the dog, a veterinarian was immediately available.  The vet jumps into action.  He grabs one of those “go to doggy heaven” syringes, and dispatches the poor soul to his maker.

Now, any normal person would figure this is where the story ends.  But no.

Within a day or two, a bouquet of flowers arrives at the dog owner’s home with a heartfelt condolence card.  But no.  This is NOT where the story ends.

At the end of the month, the owner walks out to his mailbox, and what does he find?  A BILL for the cost of euthanizing the dog that the veterinarian ran over.

But NO, this is STILL NOT where the story ends.  Here is the end of the story–


Maybe I should have titled this column, The World’s Best Veterinarian Customer.


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