Who Are These People With Balls Hanging Off Their Trucks?

I was stuck behind a pickup recently. I’m not sure why, but this truck
seemed incredibly masculine. I thought that perhaps it was the style
of the bumper. But on closer inspection, the bumper seemed quite ordinary —

Then, I thought it might be the license plate. But what’s more
gender-neutral than a Hawaiian license plate? It’s got a rainbow on it
for goodness sake. Take a look —

So that wasn’t the reason.

I just couldn’t figure it out. I was baffled.

Then it struck me! Somebody had hung a pair of balls on it !


BALLS on their truck!

Let’s pause for a moment and consider this. Someone —

A. Decided that hanging a pair of balls on their truck would make an appealing statement about himself.

B. Invested the  time to find AND BUY a pair of balls. (Where would you even shop?) Does Amazon carry truck balls? Would Amazon ever even consider marketing such a crass and tasteless product? OF COURSE IT WOULD!  Here is but a small sample of the plethora of truck balls available RIGHT NOW on Amazon.com—

(And, as you can see, they are surprisingly affordable.)


C. Fastened them securely to his truck. (I assume that when this
person attaches his balls, he does so securely. I don’t see him taking
a chance that his balls might fall off.)

Where does a person like this work? I don’t want to spread any stereotypes, but I’ll spread a couple of stereotypes. I have a difficult time believing he’s a hairdresser. I also have trouble believing he’s a
florist. But hey, what do I know. Maybe truck balls are a trend in the
hairdressing community.  Maybe there are rows of truck balls lined up in hairdressing parking lots.

I’m pretty sure that everyone who has the misfortune of following a pair of these boys is thinking the same thing.  This truck doesn’t seem fully “intact.”  The [slang word for the famous male body part that starts with the letter “D”] is missing. Please allow me to disabuse you of this notion.  These trucks are 100% fully “intact.”  The D*** is there all right.  He’s driving the truck.


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