By Jack Edwards
Every once in a great while, you come across a book that changes your life. One of those books crossed my path this week, and I will forever be grateful to the author, Nicholas Boothman. The book is How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less. You may recall from your high school psychology class something called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow created a pyramid listing, in order of importance, basic psychological needs. These include “Self-actualization,” “Esteem,” and at the top of the chart, of course, “The need for people to STOP BOTHERING YOU.”
Those who know me best, know that I don’t like people, and I’m not particularly interested in any of them liking me. (For example, I don’t know this Maslow guy, and I’m sure he’s nice enough and well-groomed, but I probably wouldn’t like him). So I realized immediately, that if I embraced the techniques in this book, and then conducted myself in the precise opposite, people would finally leave me alone. Peace and quiet – tranquility itself – would finally be mine.
I dove into the book like a starving man into a vat of SPAM.
I quickly discovered that I didn’t need to master anything beyond the first lesson: The greeting.
Mr. Boothman explains that the greeting can be broken down into five parts. (Yeah, I know. Somebody had some time on his hands). He abbreviates the steps of an effective greeting as follows: 1. Open, 2. Eye, 3. Beam, 4. Hi, and 5. Lean.
“Open” refers to opening your heart with a positive attitude. This causes your body to send out all kinds of warm and welcoming signals to the other person. My usually attitude should suffice.
“Eye” refers to being the first to make eye contact. To quote the author: “Eye contact is real contact.” ‘Nuff said. High, low, left or right – I’ve got plenty of options.
“Beam” refers to a warm smile. Okay, remember Joe Friday on Dragnet? Remember his expression when he finally confronted the suspect and made the big arrest? Time to channel me some Joe Friday.
“Hi.” Here’s where the author shows us his real expertise – his in-depth knowledge of human psychology. He explains that we should say, “hi” when we meet someone. Thanks, Nicholas. I’ll be grunting my greetings from here on out.
“Lean” toward the person as you open your heart, make eye contact, smile like a maniac, and say hello. I’ve signed up for lessons at the local gymnastic school to learn how to lean backwards. My instructor tells me that this may not be possible without putting fishing weights in my front pockets. I’m stopping by the sporting goods store later today.
According to Boothman, the real key to making people like you in 90 seconds or less, is your attitude. Apparently, your body can’t help but send out about million nonverbal signals per nanosecond that you’re a swell chap worthy of instantaneous lifelong friendship if you have the right attitude. He suggests doing a drill where you sit in a quiet place and visualize a moment you’ve had where you felt an overwhelming sense of whatever positive attitude you want to greet people with, and then recall that sense when you greet someone. The moment I’ve chosen is the time a drunk transient riding a bicycle ran into the side of my pickup truck causing a severe amount of damage to my front right quarter panel with her head. The dent is still there, so it’ll make it easy to recall each time I greet someone new.
It is, therefore, with enthusiasm that I highly recommend Mr. Boothman’s book. Mr. Boothman, wherever you are, thank you for telling me How to Make People Dislike Me in 90 Seconds or Less. Just don’t get the idea that if you were in the area that I’d like to actually meet you. We’re good from right here.