News Reporters Hit With Deep Sense of Grief as Hurricane Henri Fails to Devastate East Coast

Fighting back tears, reporters from all major networks bravely maintained their composure as the reality hit them that Hurricane Henri would not decimate the east coast.

“It felt like a kick to the stomach,” one MSNBC reporter confessed.  “One minute we’re on seventh heaven, thinking, WOW, this is it!  Our ratings are going to shoot through the roof.  The next minute, Henri is downgraded to a tropical storm.  A tropical storm!  Has a tropical storm EVER won anyone an Emmy?!”

Dr. Victor Ratnaster, Dean of Harvard’s elite School of Psychiatry, said that ethical constraints prevented him from actually diagnosing any particular news reporter, but he agreed to comment “generally speaking.”

“As you know,” he said thoughtfully, gazing up toward the ceiling of his oak paneled office while rubbing his goatee, there are five stages of grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.”

“Well,” he continued, with a dramatic pause, “Most of the reporters I’ve seen appear to have completely leapfrogged over the first three stages and landed smackdab into deep-seated depression.  I just hope they can pull out in time to cover the next ‘once in a century’ hurricane story next week.”

Asked if he had any advice for these downtrodden reporters, Dr. Ratnaster offered this piece of hope: “Look, folks, don’t let yourselves to get too down.  There’s bound to be an earthquake soon in some third world country that kills hundreds or even thousands!  Or, maybe a group of school children might get trapped in a cave again!  Just keep waking up each day with a spring in your step, and the hope that the next catastrophe strikes before your next news cycle!”

Meanwhile, today’s reality is that Hurricane Henri has turned out to be limper than a stalk of celery in July. 

However, maybe, just maybe, with any luck, the next Big One is just around the corner.

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