Attention Shoppers: Prior to Driving Away, Please Remove Your Grocery Bag From the Roof of Your Car

No, I didn’t make it all the way home with my grocery bag on top of my car, but I darn well gave it my best!  I am many things, but I AM NOT A QUITTER! When I got home, I put the bag back on top to memorialize my stupidity for posterity, and, of course, for you, my loyal readers.

It’s not every day that you are driving along, and people begin pointing and shouting at you.  That said, I do live in Oregon, and if you’ve been watching footage of the riots, for a brief moment, I thought they might be singling me out because I can’t afford to pay for everyone’s college tuition.  Call me old fashioned, but the decision to get a degree in Philosophy of Interpretive Dance is on you (and your parents). 

Now back to everyone yelling at me –

Another driver finally rolled down her window and yelled to me that I had left a bag on the roof of my car.  Thankfully, I retrieved it, and what little was left of my dignity, before I had powered up to highway speeds.

I am blaming either President Trump or China for this.  Whoever is ultimately found responsible for the Covid-19 chaos here in the U.S.  As a result of [insert Trump or China], after I go shopping, and before I get into my car, I reach in for the hand sanitizer and clean my hands before I climb in.  Yes, I know this is a little neurotic for someone who routinely extends the five second rule for food that falls on the ground to a more reasonable ten seconds.  However, apparently, if I don’t do this, every grandmother in the Western Continental United States will expire before midnight.  And, as someone raised Catholic, I’ve already got enough guilt to deal with.

I don’t want to complicate things, but it’s possible that some of the blame also falls on Ruth Bader Ginsburg, or the “Notorious RBG,” as she is referred to in certain circles.  How could she carry some of the blame, you ask?  She died!  And now my brain is scrambled from the tsunami sized waves of hypocrisy emanated from Washington D.C.  The Republicans and Democrats have LITERALLY switched their positions 180 degrees from 2016 on whether the Senate should confirm a Supreme Court nominee in an election year.  If you hooked any of them up to a polygraph machine, the machine wouldn’t just start to smoke – It would EXPLODE!

So, there you have it.  Yes, I did drive away with my grocery bag on top of my car, but it was not my fault. It was the fault of [insert – Trump, China, or THE NOTORIOUS RBG], depending on who you feel should pay for your neighbor’s tuition.

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