Bill Burr is a tremendously talented stand-up comedian and actor. He makes his living communicating. You may recall your seventh grade English teacher telling you that effective communication requires using the precise word to express your thought. Bill Burr understands this better than anyone. He is, in essence, a wordsmith. As it turns out, Bill has decided that the most accurate word, in almost every instance, is the “F-word.” He uses it in every sentence. Okay, maybe not once in every sentence. I’m just joshing you. He uses it three times in every sentence.
Due to official FCC regulations, I am required to use a substitute for the F-word for the rest of this column. Hereinafter, I will replace the “F-word” with “Intimate Personal Interaction.”
Many teenagers constantly insert the word “like” into everything they say. Example #1: “Like, I was just walking down the sidewalk writing a text, and like I banged my head on a light pole.” Example #2: “Like, that REALLY hurt!” Example #3 (and, sadly, perhaps the most accurate): “Like, I can’t even explain it!”
Bill does the same thing, only he uses “Intimate Personal Interaction.” Example #1: “Intimate Personal Interaction, I was just walking down the Intimate Personal Interaction street writing a Intimate Personal Interaction text, and I Intimate Personal Interaction banged my Intimate Personal Interaction head on an Intimate Personal Interaction light pole.”
I’ve thought about emailing Bill and telling him that he is one of the funniest comedians on the planet, but for goodness sakes, stop saying Intimate Personal Interaction so much. But here is the problem, it is practically his signature. In fact, many people who write to him for advice (which emails he reads and answers on his podcast) close by saying, “Thank you, and go Intimate Personal Interaction yourself.”
I would love to recommend Bill’s podcast to others, but I can’t. There’s just too much Intimate Personal Interaction going on.
This is where the Guinness World Records Book enters the picture.
There is no doubt in my mind that Bill has a higher Intimate-Personal-Interaction-Per-Minute count, than any other standup comedian, living or deceased. No one even comes Intimate Personal Interaction close.
So, for these reasons, I, Jack Edwards, hereby nominate the Honorable Bill Burr to the Guinness Book of World Records. If anyone deserves such an honor, Bill Intimate Personal Interaction does.
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Also, before you leave –
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