Television news hosts are always introducing their guests as belonging to some “Think Tank.” This impresses me. It probably shouldn’t. I’m not even sure what people do in a think tank. I picture people sitting in a circle with their eyebrows furled with an intense expression signifying that they are deep in thought – or really have to go number two. I also picture a lot of meerschaum pipes.
The only tanks I know about are fish tanks and gas tanks. There are armored tanks, of course, but I don’t know much about them. Speaking of armored tanks, it does make me wonder who would win if we put a Think Tank up against an Armored Tank. My hunch is that we’d never piece back together all those meerschaum pipes.
But let’s get back to ME, and my getting a job at a think tank. I Googled “Think Tank” and this article popped up: “The 50 Most Influential Think Tanks in the United States.” Number 8 caught my attention – the CATO Institute. This is primarily because I like to say the word “CATO.” Try it. It’s fun!
According to this random article:
“…Cato’s mission is ‘to broaden the parameters of public policy debate to allow consideration of the traditional American principles of limited government, individual liberty, free markets, and peace.’”
Liberty? Peace? Sign me up!
This would be a good think tank for me because its political orientation is Libertarian. I am not what you’d call a “Full-Crackpot” Libertarian, but I am a Libertarian sympathizer. The reason I can’t go full crackpot is it would make me a hypocrite. Some years ago, I was walking along an ocean boardwalk in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, with my young daughter. All of a sudden, we came upon a section of the sidewalk that had collapsed down into the ocean. A half-moon piece of the sidewalk was missing. You could look straight down onto the rock and swirling surf below. No barrier, no warning tape, no nothing! I’m lucky my daughter and I didn’t plunge into the abyss.
What was the first thing that came to my Libertarian mind? You guessed it. “There ought to be a law!” This is why I am now only a “sympathizer.”
It’s also worth noting that the CATO Institute’s annual revenue is 29.1 million. I don’t care who you are, or where you come from – That’s a lot of pipe tobacco!
My multimillion-dollar salary aside, I do have a few questions before I get busy thinking:
1. Will my office have a couch? I do my best thinking lying on a couch. (Preferably, while eating a tasty snack).
2. Will they send me to a tropical resort equipped with beachfront hammocks? The only place I think better than lying down on a couch is when I’m in a beachside hammock.
3. When we argue with other thinkers, and things get physical, does anyone ever call the police? I want to join a think tank where we keep these little disagreements to ourselves. (I’m a big fan of the, “Nobody talks, everybody walks,” philosophy.)
4. How often do we have to get together to think and slap each other upside the head when they say something stupid? I’ve really been enjoying the flexibility of my Corona Beer Virus schedule, and I’ve become quite a fan of the whole “social distancing” thing.
If the CATO Institute can’t at least meet me halfway on these modest demands, I may simply move on to Bucket List item #4: Participating in the World Naked Bicycling Day Parade. You should have no trouble spotting me riding along in the crowd. I’ll be the one smoking a meerschaum pipe.
Please do me a favor – Comment and share!
Also, before you leave –
Check out these great books:
The Lawyer’s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness
Seven Rules for the College Playground
Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer