Iowa recently had a caucus, and now Nevada is getting ready to have one. I’m not exactly sure what a caucus is, but I think it might be what got Harvey Weinstein into all that trouble. I’ve been told that it’s when strangers get together somewhere like a school gym, or maybe in Weinstein’s case, a steam room. Once assembled, there’s a lot of aggressive stating of personal preference and demanding that other people change their position.
Thankfully, I live in Oregon. Oregon is a “motor voter” state. The state mails EVERYBODY a ballot. You get mailed a ballot; your spouse gets mailed a ballot. Your Uncle Igor, visiting from the Czech Republic, gets a ballot. (It’s the law.)
As a result, we don’t have to worry about Harry Weinstein trying to adjust our position. We just mail back the ballots. So essentially, the first person to the mailbox gets to vote five or six times. (Just kidding – That would be a felony!) In all seriousness, Oregonians rarely vote more than two or three times.
(Humorous Oregon “vote-by-mail” historical note: In the last election, a clerk named Gloria in the mailroom of a large retirement home single-handedly decided the governor’s race.)
I wish all the citizens of Nevada good luck this week. Sadly, as a non-Oregonian, your vote will only count once, but do the best you can with it. If you don’t mind some advice from a friendly Oregonian, keep in mind that I’m just spit-balling here, you might consider taking ventriloquist lessons. I don’t know what types of security measures Nevada uses in its caucuses, but you might get to vote twice that way. I hear this technique was extremely effective in the Iowa caucus – especially with people visiting from out of state.
At least those of us outside of New Hampshire don’t have to wait up until midnight to vote. New Hampshire State Motto: “The exhausted voter state!”
And I have no idea what the folks in Guam and the US Virgin Islands do. Do they vote? I’m pretty sure they’re US citizens. Right? Well, whatever they are, at least they’ve got that sunny weather. I’d trade them that for my three Oregon votes in a heartbeat.
Well, I need to wrap this up. My Uncle Igor is calling me from the back room. He says he needs help filling out his ballot.
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