I Would Love to Watch My New “Smart TV,” But, Unfortunately, I’m Not That Smart

I had the same TV for 20 years, but recently, family members started complaining.  They said the sound didn’t work.  I told them the sound DID work, you just had to do the following:

1. Turn the TV on. 

2. Turn the TV off.

3. Wait eight seconds, until you hear a “click” sound.

4. Turn the TV on a second time.

Voila!  Picture AND sound!

They also complained that it wasn’t a “smart TV,” i.e., it didn’t get any of their fancy “streaming” channels. 

Truth be told, the major obstacle I had with getting a new television was the thought of getting rid of the old Sony.  That thing was heavier than a Buick Skylark.  I bought it just about the time my youngest daughter was born, and she just graduated from college.  Way back when men were men, and TVs were, well, super heavy TVs.

So, I fired up my old 2002 Tacoma and headed off to Costco.  I immediately fell in love with an 86-inch model.  It was perfect!  Unfortunately, I made the mistake of taking my wife with me.  She said, “no.”  She explained that given the size of our family room, if we got an 86-inch TV, we’d feel like we were sitting in the front row of a movie theatre. 

I buried my sadness in a $1.50 hot dog. 

We finally settled on a 65-inch model and hauled our high-tech trophy back to the house.

Then came the dreaded task…

Two hernias later, I had successfully hauled my perfectly good old TV to the dump.  It was an emotional moment.  We had shared many precious memories.

Back at the house, I got the new television out of its box and secured it to the pedestal.

This is when the REAL problem reared its ugly head.

When I bought this TV, I made a big mistake.  I accidentally forgot that I didn’t have a Ph.D. in Computer Science.  I really only watch cable news and the Food Network, both of which worked perfectly well on my old Buick…, I mean, old Sony.

At long last, with the aid of a YouTube video, my wife, and the Holy Spirit, I managed to navigate to the cable news channels.  Now, if I can just shake the habit of turning it on, turning it off, waiting eight seconds until I hear a click, and then turning it on again.  Oh, the memories.

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