My barber recently cut my hair so short that people are now thanking me for my service. Unfortunately, I have never served in the military. So, I always feel a tinge of guilt when I tell them I did it for God and country, and that even though I was wounded in action, I’d do it again. Just kidding! I would never say that! I only tell them I did it for God and country.
The closest I ever got to serving in the military was being in the Webelos when I was ten. Don’t scoff! I faced plenty of danger as a Webelo. In fact, I was once injured. My mother pricked me sewing on a merit badge.
But I digress… Back to my hair.
Let me put it this way, a naked mole-rat has more hair than I do. An eggplant has more hair than I do. A Brazilian-waxed butt cheek has MUCH more hair than I do.
My wife is always horrified when I come home with my hair this short. I always have to brace myself for her reaction. By the look on her face, you’d think I walked in with a swastika tattooed on my forehead. She should really blame my parents. They were children of the Great Depression. I was raised to make sure I always got my money’s worth. That includes haircuts. I’m not going to let some shyster barber get the better of me by allowing him to simply trim my mop into an attractive hairstyle. Hair grows about half an inch a month. I’ll be damned if don’t get at least two or three months’ worth out of a cut. It just makes good economic sense.
Plus, the overwhelming appreciation I receive from my fellow citizens is so richly rewarding. It almost makes me wish I actually enlisted.