Mar 062014

Whole Foods Final

Life can be stressful.  Thankfully, there are a number of healthful ways to combat this stress, like exercise, eating well, and taking a daily regimen of psychotropic medications.  (FDA approved, of course.)  If we can be certain of anything, we can be certain that the health of the nation is the number one priority of the pharmaceutical industry.  Gotta love those guys.  But as much as I admire the ethics and trust “Big Pharma,” as I affectionately refer to them, I recently stumbled across an alternative.  It may not be for everyone, and it may not even be less expensive, but in the spirit of providing YOU, my faithful readers with OPTIONS, I will now share my recent discovery.

There are a plethora of self-help programs out there, like the one that giant Tony Robbins is always rambling on about.  Everywhere you look people are advertising themselves as “life coaches.”  My discovery, however, has nothing to do with “life coaches.”  (Side note: “Life coach” is code for: I’m lost and confused, but maybe by helping you screw up your life and charging you an outrageous fee, I can finally find myself).  My alternative does not involve fancy programs or life coaches.  My alternative is spending quality time in Whole Foods Markets.  Not buying their produce.  Not eating at their deli.  Just walking around inside them.  I’m not sure if eating organic, sustainable food is any better for you, but I do know that the simple act of walking into a Whole Foods Market makes you feel better about yourself.  Not just as good as everybody else, it makes you feel better – better than everyone who is not shopping at Whole Foods (i.e. the so-called general population).  As you enter carrying your reusable shopping bag, suddenly your posture gets a little better.  You perk up.  You feel alive and engaged.  Try it.  But first, as before engaging in any new activity, you need to stop and take time to learn, understand and appreciate the nomenclature:

  1. Organic.  In the Latin, this translates to, “Wow, this apple has a worm hole in it the size of the Lincoln Tunnel.”
  2. Sustainable.  In the original Greek (not the modernized version), this translates roughly to: “Brace yourself, this asparagus costs four times the price as normal.”

And finally,

  1. Locally sourced.  This is a relatively new term in the American lexicon, and means, “If the cheese maker down the street needs a root canal, guess whose fettuccini alfredo just skyrocketed?”

But never mind all that.  Who can put a price on good mental health?  There is just something about eating a chicken raised in a petting zoo that makes you feel better about yourself.

So there you have it.  The Whole Foods Market alternative to Xanax.  Of course, you don’t have to use the Name Brand.  You can go with the generic:  Trader Joe’s, Nature’s Market, or Tom’s Corner Organic Healthy Stuff Market.  Consumer activists say they are just as effective.  They have the same active ingredient.  At least that’s what they say….  Or, to be on the safe side, you can just go to Whole Foods.

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