When you think of a healthy diet, you think of the same store I do – the health-conscious, grocery boutique called Costco. Nothing says “I’m living a heathy lifestyle” like buying a ham as big as your head. (I have a really large head.)
I was in Costco today buying that ham, when it dawned on me that we might be missing a serious dieting opportunity. There I was, standing in a crowd of eager samplers waiting on the sample lady to dole out another tray of salted crackers. You heard me right – We were waiting for crackers! Then I looked around at the people pathetically waiting to snap one up. This is when it dawned on me. I was one of them. I was one of the pathetic masses waiting there like a dope for my free cracker.
This was my eureka moment. Sure, Nikolaus Copernicus discovered the Earth’s rotation. Sure, Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin. But now, I had made a discovery – The Costco Sample Diet!
I explained my idea to the sample lady, and asked her if I could take a picture of her sample stand. She looked confused and then dove for cover the moment I lifted my camera phone. (Side note: Is it me, or should Costco be hiring more extroverts to hand out samples?) She either wasn’t enthusiastic about my idea, or is currently participating in the Federal Witness Protection Program. I explained to her that I only have three readers and one lives in Busan, South Korea (Hi, Chris!). But she still wouldn’t pose for a picture.
Here is her sample stand (she’s standing right behind it, but keeping a tight eye on the direction of my lens) –
Two of the many benefits of the Costco Sample Diet are
- The plan is completely FREE.
- The food is completely FREE.
(These factors alone make it far more attractive than Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.)
The Costco Sample Diet has six rules –
Rule One: The only food you can eat each day is one of the samples from each Costco sample stand.
Rule Two: Returning for a second sample from the same stand is strictly forbidden.
Rule Three: Elbowing out the “stocky” kid to grab the largest sample is permitted (even encouraged).
Rule Four: You remain on the plan until you have reached your goal weight, or you have fainted.
Rule Five: If you faint, you may enjoy ONE $1.50 Costco Hotdog. If you hit your head when you fainted, you may upgrade to a Chicken Bake.
Important Warning: DO NOT look at the other items at the food counter. It is far too dangerous –
Rule Six: Repeat step 1-5 until you are satisfied with the results, or you are hospitalized, whichever occurs first.
I have to admit that I am still a little nervous about taking the plunge and conducting a full “beta test” of this diet. I think I’ll ponder its nuances and whether the rules need tweaking while I start scarfing down that ham.
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