How You Can Use The New Costco Sample Diet Program to Save Money and Lose Weight

When you think of a healthy diet, you think of the same store I do – the health-conscious, grocery boutique called Costco.  Nothing says “I’m living a heathy lifestyle” like buying a ham as big as your head. (I have a really large head.)

I was in Costco today buying that ham, when it dawned on me that we might be missing a serious dieting opportunity.  There I was, standing in a crowd of eager samplers waiting on the sample lady to dole out another tray of salted crackers.  You heard me right – We were waiting for crackers!  Then I looked around at the people pathetically waiting to snap one up.  This is when it dawned on me.  I was one of them.  I was one of the pathetic masses waiting there like a dope for my free cracker.

This was my eureka moment.  Sure, Nikolaus Copernicus discovered the Earth’s rotation.  Sure, Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin.  But now, I had made a discovery – The Costco Sample Diet!

I explained my idea to the sample lady, and asked her if I could take a picture of her sample stand.  She looked confused and then dove for cover the moment I lifted my camera phone.  (Side note: Is it me, or should Costco be hiring more extroverts to hand out samples?)  She either wasn’t enthusiastic about my idea, or is currently participating in the Federal Witness Protection Program.  I explained to her that I only have three readers and one lives in Busan, South Korea (Hi, Chris!).  But she still wouldn’t pose for a picture.

Here is her sample stand (she’s standing right behind it, but keeping a tight eye on the direction of my lens) –

Two of the many benefits of the Costco Sample Diet are

  1. The plan is completely FREE.
  2. The food is completely FREE.

(These factors alone make it far more attractive than Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.)

The Costco Sample Diet has six rules –

Rule One: The only food you can eat each day is one of the samples from each Costco sample stand.

Rule Two: Returning for a second sample from the same stand is strictly forbidden.

Rule Three: Elbowing out the “stocky” kid to grab the largest sample is permitted (even encouraged).

Rule Four: You remain on the plan until you have reached your goal weight, or you have fainted.

Rule Five: If you faint, you may enjoy ONE $1.50 Costco Hotdog.  If you hit your head when you fainted, you may upgrade to a Chicken Bake.

Important Warning: DO NOT look at the other items at the food counter.  It is far too dangerous –

Important Follow-up Warning: The Twisted Churros are STRICTLY forbidden – Don’t even think about it!

Rule Six:  Repeat step 1-5 until you are satisfied with the results, or you are hospitalized, whichever occurs first.

I have to admit that I am still a little nervous about taking the plunge and conducting a full “beta test” of this diet.  I think I’ll ponder its nuances and whether the rules need tweaking while I start scarfing down that ham.


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