My confirmation into the Catholic Church occurred at the age of 12 by a priest who soon thereafter took off with a waitress from Newport, Oregon (or so I’m told). So you have every reason to question my religious training. In fact, I strongly suggest that you do. My point is, we may be making a theological mistake. An incorrect assumption of Biblical proportions. That is: Does God have a wife? Is there a Mrs. God?
The Bible is filled with clues supporting this conclusion (albeit taken slightly out of context). First, in Genius 1:27, “So God created man in his own image….” (Humm… a thought provoking clue.) Second, in Genius 2:18, “And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone….” (Putting two and two together, the plot thickens.) And finally, in Genius 2:25, “On the eighth day, God sayeth His first joke to Adam, and the punchline was, ‘Take thy wife… please!’ And then God slapped his knee and howled at His own joke.” (Okay, this last quote was Fake Bible News, but my scriptural argument was running a little thin.)
If God has a wife, this creates a number of deep theological questions. First, does she work outside the home? Second, is Mary her mother-in-law? Finally, wouldn’t her house be the universe? Light travels at 186,000 miles per second. We live in the Milky way galaxy which is 100,000 light years across. There are 2 trillion galaxies in the universe. And the universe is 93 billion light years across. So my very technical and theological point is this: That’s a lot of dusting. Mrs. God must be exhausted. And before you call me sexist for suggesting that she is in charge of the cleaning, let me explain. I’ve read the Old Testament. I’ve watched God in action. And let’s just say that he doesn’t exactly strike me as the type who spends a lot of time pushing the Hoover across the family room carpet.
I’m not saying that there is a Mrs. God. I’m just tossing it out there. I am a “Mrs. God agnostic.” But, if there is a Mrs. God, my formative religious training makes me wonder. Was she was once a waitress in Newport?