Parenting is difficult. It requires numerous skills, not the least of which is gazing into the innocent little eyes of your child and telling a big, fat lie. Unfortunately, not everyone is born with this skill. When my wife and I were preparing for our first child, we bought a copy of Dr. Spock’s Baby […]
By Jack Edwards Our story begins eons ago, in prehistoric times. A dark and primitive period otherwise referred to in Archeology textbooks as 1975. During this epoch, mankind’s early ancestors with their broad, sloping foreheads and barrel shaped torsos began each day by mixing freeze-dried crystals into hot water, taking a sip, and then declaring […]
By Jack Edwards Think of your three favorite states. Ask others to list their three favorite states. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they will not list three states. They will list the same state, three times in a row. And that state, of course, will be Oklahoma. The Oklahoma state motto says it all: […]
Those of you who have not served hard time in the squalor of a third world prison will have difficultly fully grasping this story. It involves a retched ten minute nightmare I had yesterday at the Mold City Motel in Denver (my apologies to all bacterial strains of the mold community). I would use the […]
By Jack Edwards Sadly, this buffet story is disturbingly true. Every lumpy refried bean of it. The plethora of emergencies that can arise at a buffet are endless. “Buffet” is a French word which means: “A meal eaten until the diner’s intestines explode.” The buffet emergency I recently encountered was etiquette related. It struck without […]
By Jack Edwards My family recently hosted a visit from one of my daughter’s college friends. I’ll refer to her as “Whitney” because her name happens to be Whitney. My daughter wanted to take her friend to visit Crater Lake National Park, but this posed a problem – Crater Lake is about three hours from […]
By Jack Edwards Last Friday marked the 238th anniversary of the founding of our great country. The 200th back in 1976 was a big one. The 250th should be a real barn-burner too. The 238th? It’s a number void of personality. It’s the numerical equivalent of vanilla ice cream. It’s the kind of strange anniversary […]
By Jack Edwards Garage sale season is upon us. Time to clean out those closets and let total strangers pick through your castoff housewares, kitchenwares and underwears. However, as a veteran operator of several of these hillbilly storefronts, allow me to share Five Secrets for Surviving a Garage Sale. The first, and by FAR the […]
By Jack Edwards It’s time for another edition of the always popular, News from the Neighborhood. This is where we wander out into the wild and untamed lands of upper-middleclass Suburbia to explore strange and exotic cultures and experience foreign “points of view,” such as the Fishman family, featured in our last edition that begins […]
By Jack Edwards A realization recently struck me harder than a five pound ham to the side of the head. A real whopper. Now, I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so you may have heretofore already been aware of this problem. An epidemic has spread across our country faster than California Chrome lost […]