Tag Archives: Shark Tank

My Pop-Up Potty Shark Tank Idea – Don’t Steal It!

There are three levels of personal discomfort of the bathroom variety.  The New England Journal of Medicine has given each a technical name, or “alert level.”  They are: Yellow Alert, Red Alert and Neon Flashing Orange Alert with Blaring Sirens.  Here are their formal definitions –

Yellow Alert:  A mild but noticeable sensation of pressure on the bladder or “lower GI.”  It is advisable to visit the lavatory to (I’ll use the technical, scientific terms) take a “leak,” or drop a “load.”

Red Alert: The enemy is fast approaching.  If you’re at a cocktail party, it’s time to wrap up the conversation, identify a target restroom and make haste.

Neon Flashing Orange Alert with Blaring Sirens:  The enemy is at the gate.  In thermonuclear terms, the threat level has reached DEFCON 1.  Something REALLY, REALLY BAD is about to happen.  Something of extreme danger, embarrassment, and above all, odor.

My new million dollar Shark Tank idea will eliminate this danger.  My product looks like a piece of flat plastic about 18 inches square.  It works by grabbing a tab on the top and giving it a quick shake.  It flips open into the shape of a small tent-like structure with a sling-like pocket suspended on the inside for single use restroom needs.  Privacy and relief with the snap of the wrist.  After taking a “relief,” simply fold it up, slide it back into its pouch, and drop it in the nearest waste receptacle (or on some deserving person’s door step).  It’s that easy.

Let’s say you’re enjoying a family trip heading east on I-84 with no rest area in sight and Johnny’s about to BLOW?  Pop-up Potty to the rescue!

Let’s say you’re hiking along a popular trail and the pasta primavera you had for lunch sets a land speed record to your colon?  YOU are about to BLOW!  Pop-up Potty!

You’re at a fundraiser at the La Vista Hotel and Conference Center in Omaha, Nebraska, and ALL the restrooms are out of order?  Simply snap open your Warren Buffett special edition, Pop-up Potty!  Relief in seconds!

I strongly suggest you get in early on my Pop-up Potty Kickstarter campaign and watch for it on Shark Tank.  Mark, Barbara and Robert will love it.  And while I’m sure that “Mr. Wonderful,” Kevin O’Leary will ______ all over it, isn’t that the point?

Next idea?  The Pocket Pooper!  It looks like a ziplock bag.  All the convenience and relief of the Pop-up Potty, minus any privacy.

Next Year’s Smash “Must Have” Christmas Gift

Sumptuosus Aquae Perfume

By Jack Edwards

It’s next year’s smash “Must Have” Christmas gift.  Eager consumers will be lining up like penguins in the freezing cold outside Macy’s at 3:00 a.m. on Black Friday clutching their Visas.  Shark Tank producers will be begging me to appear on their show.  And yes, Mr. Wonderful, I’ve got a patent pending (well, patent pending, pending – I’ve bookmarked the US Patent Office website).  Pull out your checkbook Mark Cuban – you’ll want a piece of this!  It’s called Sumptuosus Aquae – and it’s the world’s very first fragrance-free perfume.

Consumers will go bonkers over it, because it solves the problem guys run into every time they add to their mounting unsecured credit card debt trying desperately to please their mate – she sniffs at it like a jug of three-week old milk and then says politely, “It’s nice…, but it’s not for me.”  It’s too sweet.  It’s too musky.  It’s too whatever.  She just doesn’t like it.  But Sumptuosus Aquae solves that problem.  For the very reasonable price of $80, you get a beautiful one ounce spray bottle in a designer box complete with ribbon, or if you really love her, and aren’t just pretending, you can spring for the two ounce bottle for only $120.  Sumptuosus Aquae also solves other common perfume problems:

1. She doesn’t have to worry about applying too much.

2. Those irritating people at the office who are overly sensitive to otherwise pleasant fragrances will stop making their annoying complaints to HR, and will have to divert their time to hunting down those violating the strict peanut allergy regulations (that they helped implement).

3. Sumptuosus Aquae is guaranteed to be 100% hypoallergenic.

4. And, as I explain in detail below, on the off chance that you ever find yourself stranded in the Mohave Desert, you can drink it.  Yes, Sumptuosus Aquae may actually save your girlfriend’s/wife’s/significant other’s life one day!

Mark Cuban, Mr. Wonderful, and the rest of the gang at Shark Tank will have massive heart attacks and take knives to one another scrapping for a piece of this thing.  Why?  Because the mark up on regular perfume (the kind that is incapable of saving your life in the desert, i.e. “non-lifesaving perfume”) is just over one million percent.  Just below the margin on tar heroin.  Well, Ha-Ha to that, because Sumptuosus Aquae knocks the socks off that silly margin.  Why? Because of the pure genius of the patent pending, pending, formula.  You see, thanks to the fact that only three people currently living in the US speak Latin, no one will realize (at least according to Google Translate) that Sumptuosus Aquae is Latin for “expensive water.”  The formula?  Water + Love.  Yeah, that’s right.  We don’t hold back on pouring in the love.  We inject massive amounts of love into each and every bottle.

Don’t wait!  Pre-order your two ounce bottle of life-saving, fragrance-free perfume at www.SumptuosusAquae.com.  Workers at the Culver City Municipal Water Treatment Plant are standing by.

Note from Jack Edwards:  If you enjoyed this week’s column, please consider using the various “share” buttons 🙂  Also consider “subscribing,” and we’ll email you the column each week.  Just click on the menu symbol in the upper right hand corner of this page if you’re on a desktop (the three horizontal lines), or scroll down if you’re on a cell phone.  It’s free, and we promise not to do anything with your email address other than send you the column. Thank you!

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Check out these great books for gifts:

The Lawyer’s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness at –

http://www.amazon.com/The-Lawyers-Song-Navigating-wilderness/dp/1608443248

Seven Rules for the College Playground at –

www.Gift4College.com