There are three levels of personal discomfort of the bathroom variety. The New England Journal of Medicine has given each a technical name, or “alert level.” They are: Yellow Alert, Red Alert and Neon Flashing Orange Alert with Blaring Sirens. Here are their formal definitions –
Yellow Alert: A mild but noticeable sensation of pressure on the bladder or “lower GI.” It is advisable to visit the lavatory to (I’ll use the technical, scientific terms) take a “leak,” or drop a “load.”
Red Alert: The enemy is fast approaching. If you’re at a cocktail party, it’s time to wrap up the conversation, identify a target restroom and make haste.
Neon Flashing Orange Alert with Blaring Sirens: The enemy is at the gate. In thermonuclear terms, the threat level has reached DEFCON 1. Something REALLY, REALLY BAD is about to happen. Something of extreme danger, embarrassment, and above all, odor.
My new million dollar Shark Tank idea will eliminate this danger. My product looks like a piece of flat plastic about 18 inches square. It works by grabbing a tab on the top and giving it a quick shake. It flips open into the shape of a small tent-like structure with a sling-like pocket suspended on the inside for single use restroom needs. Privacy and relief with the snap of the wrist. After taking a “relief,” simply fold it up, slide it back into its pouch, and drop it in the nearest waste receptacle (or on some deserving person’s door step). It’s that easy.
Let’s say you’re enjoying a family trip heading east on I-84 with no rest area in sight and Johnny’s about to BLOW? Pop-up Potty to the rescue!
Let’s say you’re hiking along a popular trail and the pasta primavera you had for lunch sets a land speed record to your colon? YOU are about to BLOW! Pop-up Potty!
You’re at a fundraiser at the La Vista Hotel and Conference Center in Omaha, Nebraska, and ALL the restrooms are out of order? Simply snap open your Warren Buffett special edition, Pop-up Potty! Relief in seconds!
I strongly suggest you get in early on my Pop-up Potty Kickstarter campaign and watch for it on Shark Tank. Mark, Barbara and Robert will love it. And while I’m sure that “Mr. Wonderful,” Kevin O’Leary will ______ all over it, isn’t that the point?
Next idea? The Pocket Pooper! It looks like a ziplock bag. All the convenience and relief of the Pop-up Potty, minus any privacy.