The Secret’s Inside the Bun

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Aug 092019

Americans went on a health kick back in the 1970s.  Organic this, organic that.  Salad bars as far as the eye could see.  But those days are over.  International House of Pancakes (IHOP) has created a hamburger WITH A PANCAKE IN IT. 

If it isn’t served with a ladle of corn syrup poured over it, I’m sure it comes on the side.

This burger actually came out in June, but I’ve been too busy pursuing my own selfishly leisurely activities (practicing the ukulele) to bring this exciting news to your important culinary attention. 

I can only assume that IHOP wasn’t selling enough “Grand Slam” breakfasts, and so they decided to beef up their lunch menu.  I can picture a room full of executives sitting around a conference table desperately brainstorming ideas as brilliant as the “Grand Slam,” when an inbred board member with a name like Charles Bennington Shoemaker III, sporting a belly practically bursting from his shirt, raised his hand in triumph.  “I’ve got it!” he announced.  “A burger, but with a pancake in it!”  The group no doubt universally nodded.  Then someone yelled out, “We can use the stale leftover pancakes from the morning shift!”  This suggestion was met with another robust round of applause.

I’m sure someone commented, “Boy, that’s one big IHOP pancake burger.”  Then, the board plowed thousands of shareholder dollars in market research, to identify the perfect name.  And it was WAY “outside the box.”  With great fanfare, the company announce the new “Big IHOP Pancake Burger.”

And it turns out to be healthier than you might have guessed.  I couldn’t find a calorie count for the Big IHOP Pancake Burger, but IHOP’s Big Brunch Burger is a very slimming 1040 calories, so you can just imagine. 

In fact, when I was searching for the Big IHOP Pancake Burger’s calorie count, I couldn’t find it anywhere on IHOP’s website.  If what I’m imagine happened, happened. If IHOP’s liability insurance provider in fact convinced them to remove this heart attack in a bun from their menu, my procrastination in bringing this delicacy to your attention almost certainly…

Saved your life! 

You can thank me later, maybe by buying me a tasty Grand Slam breakfast.

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