By Jack Edwards
My New Year’s resolution is to be more tolerant. I am going to celebrate diversity, even if it makes me vomit. Case in point, my sister. I was recently helping her move some stuff out of her car when I came across a bottle filled with yellow liquid. My first reaction: My sister has turned into one of those urine drinkers. You have to know my sister. She puts the “alt” in the term alternative medicine. I confronted her with the bottle, and she gave me some cover story about it being a concoction called Kombucha. It’s supposed to be good for your digestive track. I told her it was okay to admit she was drinking her own urine. I wouldn’t judge her. I was going to celebrate diversity this year. I told her that I might even put one of those annoying bumper stickers on my car. But she stuck to her story.
I popped out my iPhone and asked Siri to give me the scoop on urine drinkers. According to Wikipedia, urine may be the best thing since the discovery of aloe vera. We should be rubbing a little behind our ears each morning. Urine drinking has a bunch of fancy names. (Let’s face it. This is a tough marketing gig. You’d better have a compelling name to cajole some poor sap into tipping back a glass of this golden elixir). They call it Urine Therapy, Urotherapy, Uropathy, or my favorite, Unrinotherapy. (It also has an old fashioned name, which I am hesitant to mention because it might seem like I’m being intolerant – Human Waste.) People use it for both medical and cosmetic purposes, by drinking it and massaging it into their skin. The pleasant odor is a bonus. You’ve got to wonder what genius decided to harness The Power of Urine.
As a non-urine drinker, I have a number of questions. For example, how is it served? Hot like tea? Cold? Maybe over ice? Is it appropriate to doctor it up a little with sugar or perhaps a sprig of mint? What’s the lunch room etiquette? Is it okay to pour up a frothy glass in front of coworkers? Is it ever appropriate to offer a glass of your “homemade” others? Someone really needs to write a book on this. They can titled it Urine Drinking Does and Don’ts.
I’m surprised we haven’t heard from the whole recycle-reuse-renew crowd on this. Where’s Al Gore? You’d think they’d be jumping all over it like ticks on hound dog.
As for me, I am fully committed to celebrating our differences and keeping an open mind no matter how disgusting the idea may be. The mere idea sickens me. It makes me want to vomit my guts out. But hey, this is the new millennium. Don’t be a hater. Keep an open mind, and celebrate these extremely uncomfortable differences.
As for my sister’s suspiciously yellow “Kombucha,” I only have one question for her: Do you drink that hot or cold?
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