Tag Archives: Bicyclist Rights Humor

Finally, A Green New Deal Even AAA Can Support

I am a vocal advocate for pedestrian rights.  I especially support strong pedestrian rights laws.  Of course, this is only when I’m walking.  When I’m driving, people who make me stomp on my brakes as they exercise their “rights” irritate me a little.  And by “irritate me a little,” I mean I’d like to run them over.  Just kidding!  I would never think of doing such a thing.  I really only want to nick them with my bumper. 

Let me be clear, when I complain about having to stomp on my brakes for pedestrians, I am NOT concerned about wasting my money on the gas it takes to accelerate back up to speed.  I am only concerned about climate change.   

Two blocks from my office is the major thoroughfare of Oak Street.  A couple of years ago, the city installed a well-marked crosswalk at Park and Oak.  Here it is –

As you see, there is no stoplight, or even a flashing yellow light, only the lines painted on the street.  Just one block away is the intersection of 8th and Oak.  It is what’s called a “controlled intersection.”  Lights, Walk signals – the whole shebang.  You can see it just ahead –

If you are heading down Oak and see a green light just ahead, of course, you’re trying to make it.  But not so fast, Bucko!  If just one jaunty pedestrian steps out on the crosswalk at Park, all the drivers have to slam on their brakes and wait for His or Her Highness to finish their (slow) crossing.  What kind of a megalomaniac would step out in front of two lanes of cars trying to make the green light?  Well, me.  Look, I’m not saying I do this all the time, but it happens.  For example, when I walked over to take pictures for this story, I waited for the traffic to pass before I stepped onto the crosswalk.  But on the way back, I embraced my “pedestrians are better people than drivers” attitude and stepped right out onto the crosswalk.  Ten to 12 cars hit their brakes. 

I have, however, reflected on my ways.  I now believe that laws that give pedestrians the right-of-way at crosswalks, causing countless drivers to hit the brakes, are an injustice – to my wallet. 

So, here’s my Green New Deal.  I’m sure we can all agree that we must do everything in our power to reduce greenhouse gases.  Preventing the burning of fossil fuels to accelerate after coming to a complete stop is one of them. Our lawmakers must immediately repeal the law that gives pedestrians the right-of-way at crosswalks.  We must do it for the planet.  We must do it for our children.  And we must do it for my wallet. 

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