{"id":987,"date":"2017-03-05T06:54:04","date_gmt":"2017-03-05T14:54:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=987"},"modified":"2017-03-05T06:54:04","modified_gmt":"2017-03-05T14:54:04","slug":"extreme-vetting-family-pet-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=987","title":{"rendered":"Extreme Vetting: Family Pet Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I am OFFICIALLY calling on the United States Commerce Department to launch an \u201call out investigation\u201d into the devious and patently unfair marketing strategy (i.e. \u201cscheme\u201d) of one of our nation\u2019s preeminent industries.\u00a0 I think you know what industry I\u2019m talking about.\u00a0 I also think you agree with me that this industry has been \u201ccoddled\u201d by Washington Insiders far too long.\u00a0 I am, of course, referring to the \u201cDog Industry Cartel Kerfuffle.\u201d (No, I will not use this group\u2019s acronym.\u00a0 This is a family friendly column.\u00a0 Get your minds out of the gutter).<\/p>\n

This industry is using a blatantly unfair marketing advantage in promoting its brand, to wit: Puppies.\u00a0 By unfairly exploiting puppies, pictures of puppies, and stories about puppies, et cetera, the average American is placed at a gross disadvantage.\u00a0 This outfit even stoops to marketing to children.\u00a0 Walk into the children\u2019s section of any library and what do you see?\u00a0 Picture books about puppies.\u00a0 And not a balanced<\/em><\/strong> view of puppies.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It\u2019s all one-sided.\u00a0 It\u2019s all Pro-Puppy<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

This all leads me to a friend of mine.\u00a0 For the purposes of this column, I\u2019ll refer to her as, \u201cJanene,\u201d because her name happens to be Janene.\u00a0 Janene is an \u201cindustry insider.\u201d\u00a0 She has two dogs.\u00a0 The first dog her family got was Peanut, a Chihuahua-King Cavalier designer dog.\u00a0 (The whole industry is becoming high-tech \u2013 Another unfair advantage).\u00a0 We all thought Peanut was a small dog until Janene got her second dog, Paparazzi.\u00a0 Now, compared to Paparazzi, Peanut looks like an aircraft carrier.\u00a0 Paparazzi is a Yorkshire terrier.\u00a0 He weighs slightly less than your average cotton ball.<\/p>\n

As his name suggests, Paparazzi has a certain flair.\u00a0 He has caught the attention of the owner of a female Yorkie who is interested in him breeding (or in today\u2019s dog parlance, \u201chooking-up\u201d) with her dog.\u00a0 Janene would get the pick of the litter, and she asked me if my family might be interested in a Paparazzi Junior.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the rub.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m married to someone whom you might not characterize as a \u201cdog lover.\u201d\u00a0 Her list of concerns include: 1. They are dogs, 2. They tend to shed hair, and finally, 3. They are dogs.\u00a0 If my wife were Superwoman (which in many ways she is), then dog hair is Kryptonite.\u00a0 Well, guess what?\u00a0 Yorkie\u2019s don\u2019t shed.\u00a0 So that takes care of her number 2 concern.<\/p>\n

Now, I just need to solve problems 1 and 3.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am OFFICIALLY calling on the United States Commerce Department to launch an \u201call out investigation\u201d into the devious and patently unfair marketing strategy (i.e. \u201cscheme\u201d) of one of our nation\u2019s preeminent industries.\u00a0 I think you know what industry I\u2019m talking about.\u00a0 I also think you agree with me that this industry has been \u201ccoddled\u201d […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[603,602,532,604,601,600,605],"class_list":["post-987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-dog-humor","tag-extreme-vetting","tag-humor","tag-pet-humor","tag-puppies","tag-puppy","tag-puppy-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=987"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/987\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":993,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/987\/revisions\/993"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}