{"id":907,"date":"2017-01-19T06:18:50","date_gmt":"2017-01-19T14:18:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=907"},"modified":"2017-02-07T20:25:46","modified_gmt":"2017-02-08T04:25:46","slug":"inauguration-day-real-winner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=907","title":{"rendered":"Inauguration Day: The Real Winner"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>By Jack Edwards
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

The time has come for the world\u2019s most powerful nation to once again demonstrate its tradition of a peaceful transfer of power.\u00a0 Two mighty forces have stood toe to toe, pounding away with millions of dollars of negative ads, hammering each other with harsh rhetoric, and, at times, actually spitting globules of mucus at one another.\u00a0 And now, finally, after a year and an half of ceaseless bloodletting, where no holds were barred, where every dirty secret, true or libelous, fanned the flames of the masses, one combatant stands victorious.\u00a0 The name of this victor, of course, is Twitter.\u00a0 Yes, Facebook fought long and hard.\u00a0 It out spent Twitter by tens of millions.\u00a0 It had the money, the experience and the social cache, but in the end, it could not compete with those 140 little characters.\u00a0 Ultimately, Twitter was The Little Engine that Could.<\/p>\n

Who could have possibly foreseen a Twitter victory?\u00a0 It came out of nowhere. Be honest, when most of us first heard of it, we thought the idea was crazy.\u00a0 What practical value could there be in shooting 140 characters into cyberspace?\u00a0 But, alas, Hollywood stars saved the day.\u00a0 They began sending important, cutting-edge news snippets to their adoring fans.\u00a0 Here are a few examples (I promise you that these are REAL – I did not make them up, and I certainly have not edited them.\u00a0 Who am I to impugn an A-list celebrity\u2019s grammar?):<\/p>\n

Paris Hilton: \u201cJust finished an intense pilates session with my trainer.\u00a0 Feels so good to work out.\u00a0 Now time for a healthy lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n

Miley Cyrus: \u201cim bored.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kim Kardashian: \u201cI worked out & had a mani-pedi and its not even 8am! I need a nap!\u201d<\/p>\n

I know what you\u2019re thinking: With witty<\/em>, captivating messages like these, did Facebook ever have a chance?<\/p>\n

And now, thanks in part to the assistance of the Hollywood\u2019s elite, Twitter will now take its rightful place as Commander in Chief of our nation\u2019s \u201capps.\u201d\u00a0 It will be our \u201cApp in Chief.\u201d<\/p>\n

In closing, I have some advice. \u00a0I must first, however, emphasize that I am not an actual LICENSED financial advisor.\u00a0 Here it is: Twitter trades on the NASDAQ using the symbol TWTR. \u00a0As I write this, it is trading at $16.94 per share. \u00a0So if you haven\u2019t done so already, download the app, liquidate all your savings (every last dollar), and BUY TWITTER!\u00a0 Do it now, and if you\u2019re lucky, you might get the answer to that all-important question: \u00a0Precisely what did Paris Hilton have as her \u201chealthy lunch\u201d?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jack Edwards The time has come for the world\u2019s most powerful nation to once again demonstrate its tradition of a peaceful transfer of power.\u00a0 Two mighty forces have stood toe to toe, pounding away with millions of dollars of negative ads, hammering each other with harsh rhetoric, and, at times, actually spitting globules of […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[116,532,541,543,62,542,540],"class_list":["post-907","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-facebook","tag-humor","tag-inauguration","tag-kim-kardashian","tag-miley-cyrus","tag-paris-hilton","tag-twitter"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/907","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=907"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/907\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":943,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/907\/revisions\/943"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=907"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=907"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=907"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}