{"id":903,"date":"2017-01-15T15:19:39","date_gmt":"2017-01-15T23:19:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=903"},"modified":"2017-02-07T20:24:57","modified_gmt":"2017-02-08T04:24:57","slug":"plight-oregon-platypus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=903","title":{"rendered":"Plight of the Oregon Platypus"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

By Jack Edwards
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Last night the University of Oregon Ducks played the Oregon State University Beavers in a \u201cCivil War\u201d basketball game.\u00a0 All of these civil war games are deeply meaningful to Oregonians.\u00a0 This is because fans associated with each school feel strongly, to their very core, to the center of the marrow of their thigh bones, about one thing:\u00a0 Their school\u2019s players from California are better than the other school\u2019s players from California.\u00a0 And they are darn serious about it.\u00a0 If you come across any of them discussing this topic, back away slowly.\u00a0 If necessary, curl up on the ground and play dead, like wildlife experts tell you to do when confronting a grizzly bear.<\/p>\n

I feel pride in the talent of these young men from California too, but sadly, each civil war puts a knot in my stomach.\u00a0 I am a graduate of each school.\u00a0 I am a beaver and a duck.\u00a0 Some say that makes me a platypus.\u00a0 This, of course, is absurd.\u00a0 I will share with you this real quote from Yahoo!<\/em> Answers on the subject of whether a platypus is the offspring of a duck and a beaver:<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is no possible way a bird and a beaver could interbreed \u2013 one\u2019s a bird and one\u2019s mammal.\u00a0 It\u2019d be like you having a baby with a crow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not so fast, Yahoo!<\/em> Answer.\u00a0 What is your Yahoo!<\/em> Answer to, \u2018How do you explain North Korea\u2019s Kim Jong Un?\u2019\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 I thought so.<\/p>\n

The UO ducks refer to themselves as \u201cThe Fighting Ducks.\u201d\u00a0 The OSU beavers lack a formal adjective.\u00a0 Some people refer to them as \u201cThose Damn Beavers,\u201d but these people are usually members of opposing teams.\u00a0 As for OSU, they take a more international approach to self-aggrandizement.\u00a0 They refer to themselves as \u201cBeaver Nation.\u201d\u00a0 So, an Oregon civil war, in essence, is a contest between a band of warrior ducks and a nation-state of walking incisors.\u00a0 It\u2019s a real sight.\u00a0 Nothing you want to miss, that\u2019s for sure.\u00a0 And I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

In the end, it was a freakish blowout.\u00a0 The California Fighting Ducks lambasted the California Beaver Nation 85-43.\u00a0 So now when I run into any of my duck friends who know I have torn loyalties, there is only one thing for me to do \u2013<\/p>\n

curl up on the ground and play dead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jack Edwards Last night the University of Oregon Ducks played the Oregon State University Beavers in a \u201cCivil War\u201d basketball game.\u00a0 All of these civil war games are deeply meaningful to Oregonians.\u00a0 This is because fans associated with each school feel strongly, to their very core, to the center of the marrow of their […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[534,2,533],"tags":[537,536,539,535,434,92,427,538,421],"class_list":["post-903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-college","category-humor","category-sports","tag-beaver-nation","tag-beavers","tag-civil-war","tag-ducks","tag-fighting-ducks","tag-oregon","tag-oregon-state-university","tag-platypus","tag-university-of-oregon"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=903"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":942,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903\/revisions\/942"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}