{"id":864,"date":"2015-09-03T06:45:47","date_gmt":"2015-09-03T13:45:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=864"},"modified":"2015-09-03T06:47:06","modified_gmt":"2015-09-03T13:47:06","slug":"why-you-should-own-a-dog","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=864","title":{"rendered":"Why You Should Own a Dog"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Dog<\/a>By Jack Edwards<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dog owners say that one of the best reasons to own a dog is that it motivates you to go out and walk. I finally realized why my wife doesn\u2019t want to own a dog. She doesn\u2019t need one. She walks me.<\/p>\n

As similar as I may appear to the average labradoodle, there are a few differences. First, I never tug on the leash. I pace myself. In fact, most evenings it\u2019s all my wife can do to pry me off the couch. Second, I never eat food that\u2019s fallen onto the floor. Unless, of course, I do so within the five-second grace period. And finally, I rarely leave a deposit in the backyard that requires any scooping.<\/p>\n

But my wife is not alone. Whenever my wife is out walking me, I see other wives walking their husbands. They are everywhere. Wives dutifully marching their husbands up and down the neighborhood. I am aware that my opinion may come off as \u201ctraditionalist,\u201d \u201csexist,\u201d or some other \u201cist.\u201d But trust me, when the only people you see out marching around aimlessly are: A. Women tugging their men along, and B. Women walking alone, I think I\u2019ve made my point. The ratio of women versus men suggesting an evening stroll to their spouses, and I may be significantly underestimating here, is north of ten billion to one.<\/p>\n

Truth be told, I think that most of us husbands agree that once we lift our sorry selves off the sofa, tie on our shoes and feel the fresh air in our faces, we each have to admit that deep down, if we\u2019re honest with ourselves, we are secretly happy to be that many more steps closer to returning to our sofa.<\/p>\n

Years ago, we owned a dog for about six nanoseconds. But I embraced those six nanoseconds. I squeezed them for all they were worth. They seemed more like seven, or maybe even eight nanoseconds. I even bought a book: Cesar’s Way: The Natural, Everyday Guide to Understanding and Correcting Common Dog Problems. A guy named Cesar Millan wrote it. You may have heard of him. He is known as \u201cThe Dog Whisperer.\u201d His book explains how to address everyday discipline issues. Imagine my concern when I recently discovered Cesar\u2019s book missing from the shelf. Yeah. Somebody\u2019s reading up.<\/p>\n

My point is this. My future may not hold owning a dog, but it apparently does hold hearing some whispering.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jack Edwards Dog owners say that one of the best reasons to own a dog is that it motivates you to go out and walk. I finally realized why my wife doesn\u2019t want to own a dog. She doesn\u2019t need one. She walks me. As similar as I may appear to the average labradoodle, […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[16,18,532],"class_list":["post-864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-dogs","tag-funny","tag-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/864","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=864"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/864\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":873,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/864\/revisions\/873"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}