{"id":83,"date":"2013-08-15T06:23:48","date_gmt":"2013-08-15T13:23:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=83"},"modified":"2018-07-17T20:14:35","modified_gmt":"2018-07-18T03:14:35","slug":"win-win-win-plan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=83","title":{"rendered":"The Win, Win, Win Plan"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Final<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

I dare to speak for most sensitive Americans when I say that I care deeply about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.\u00a0 But to be completely honest with you, I and my compatriots have absolutely no idea what the fight is about.\u00a0 Sure, we know they each want the same piece of land, but that\u2019s about it.\u00a0 And if you asked one of us to find the Gaza Strip on a map, get comfortable.\u00a0 We\u2019d be frowning, making faces, and running our finger along that map like a rhesus monkey hunting for a tick.\u00a0 We\u2019d be too afraid to actually put our finger down on a particular spot for fear it might turn out to be Bangkok or maybe even New Jersey.<\/p>\n

Frankly, it\u2019s time for someone to stand up and take this Middle Eastern bull by the horns. \u00a0\u00a0I propose that someone be me.\u00a0 I am uniquely qualified.\u00a0 I am neither Jewish nor Palestinian, so I don\u2019t have a dog in the fight, and I\u2019ve had a number of people comment on my fair-minded nature.\u00a0 For example, several times in the past, folks have commented, \u201cWow, Jack, that\u2019s surprisingly fair of you,\u201d say as I chucked in an extra buck toward the tip after a group dinner.\u00a0 But above all, I have a secret weapon.\u00a0 I call it the Win, Win, Win plan.<\/p>\n

My plan requires that my fellow Americans exercise a certain degree of self-reflection.\u00a0 We must first agree on a problem that\u2019s been an elephant in our country\u2019s living room for two hundred years.\u00a0 That is, of course, the disharmonic outline of our lower \u201ccontiguous\u201d states. \u00a0\u00a0It is, how should I put this politely\u2026 unkempt<\/i>. \u00a0We have an unsightly peninsula jutting off into the sea on the lower right corner.\u00a0 This disharmonious land mass is more commonly referred to as Florida.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure other countries comment on it to each other behind our back.\u00a0 It\u2019s an odd appendage.\u00a0 And to anyone with even the most basic understanding of Fung Shui, it is inarguably \u201cout-of-balance.\u201d\u00a0 From a politic perspective alone, wouldn\u2019t we be better off without it?\u00a0 The savings in election recounts by itself would pay back 40 percent of the national debt.\u00a0 And it\u2019s a geographical eyesore – flat as a pancake, and only six inches above sea level.\u00a0 Al Gore says his global warming program should have it underwater by the end of the year.\u00a0 It\u2019s high time for us to unload this albatross.\u00a0 That\u2019s where Israel and Palestine enter the picture.\u00a0 You got it now.\u00a0 We\u2019re looking for a buyer.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the deal.\u00a0 First, we need to find a couple of really effective time share brokers.\u00a0 The kind who can really lay on the shellac.\u00a0 The kind of guys who salivate at convincing granny to liquidate her 401K and slap it down for \u201cfour weeks in paradise\u2026forever!\u201d\u00a0 Then we arrange for both the Israelis and the Palestinians to tour this slab of mud and swamp separately.\u00a0 We\u2019ll really lay down the baloney.\u00a0 I\u2019m talkin\u2019 top notch, whirlwind tour.\u00a0 The parties will, of course, be required to bring along their spouses to ensure that any contract they sign while still under the influence of their post-tour euphoria will be binding.\u00a0 If they both want it, we\u2019ll flip a coin.\u00a0 If neither do, then I\u2019ll suggest a coin toss.\u00a0 Oh, sure, they\u2019ll balk, but we\u2019ll ask the United Nations to do a little arm twisting.\u00a0 (We all know how persuasive the U.N can be.)\u00a0 Hey, it\u2019s a fifty-fifty chance their problems are solved and their arch enemies move to the other side of the planet.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t get more tempting than that.<\/p>\n

Granted, the idea is a little outside of the box<\/i>, but compare it to what we\u2019ve got now.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Bupkis.\u00a0 We\u2019re offering prime oceanfront real estate on three sides.\u00a0 And if the negotiations get tough, we\u2019ll throw in Disney World.\u00a0 The Disney Corporation has always been public spirited; I\u2019m sure they\u2019ll go along with the idea.\u00a0 People are getting tired of standing in line for their vacations anyway.<\/p>\n

So there you have it.\u00a0 The Win, Win, Win.\u00a0 Now, about my commission\u2026.<\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

WAIT! \u00a0You\u2019re not done yet.\u00a0 Earn good karma!\u00a0 Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

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It\u2019s a Three Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I dare to speak for most sensitive Americans when I say that I care deeply about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.\u00a0 But to be completely honest with you, I and my compatriots have absolutely no idea what the fight is about.\u00a0 Sure, we know they each want the same piece of land, but that\u2019s about it.\u00a0 And […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[5,4,532],"class_list":["post-83","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-disney","tag-florida","tag-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=83"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1389,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83\/revisions\/1389"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=83"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=83"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=83"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}