{"id":7,"date":"2013-07-20T20:12:32","date_gmt":"2013-07-20T20:12:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=7"},"modified":"2018-07-17T20:05:27","modified_gmt":"2018-07-18T03:05:27","slug":"dont-fight-therapy-dogs-join","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=7","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Fight “Therapy” Dogs, Join Them!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Therapy<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019d like to draw your attention to an emerging crisis.\u00a0 A crisis that looms even larger and more ominous than our country\u2019s staggering deficit or our precarious interests in the Middle East.\u00a0 I am,\u00a0of course,\u00a0speaking about the proliferation of therapy companion animals.\u00a0 In less time than it took us to move from cell phones the size of bricks to the size of Kit Kat bars, therapy animals have swept over this country like locusts.\u00a0 The ancestor of these “therapy companions,” which now enjoy equal space in our grocery stores, theatres and airliners is, of course, the gallant \u201cseeing-eye dog.\u201d \u00a0That loyal animal which escorts its master safely down sidewalks and across perilous streets.\u00a0 From such humble and practical beginnings, we now have an animal for every conceivable illness, malady or syndrome known to WebMD.\u00a0 I spotted a wiener dog the other day wearing one of those little red vests that said Anxiety Therapy Companion.\u00a0 Not twenty-four hours later, I see a mom and three kids marching into a dance performance with a golden retriever wearing a vest that read: Autism Therapy Companion.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t seem to be aware that it had a job to do.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t standing alert or, as far as I could tell (albeit I\u2019m no expert) doing anything special.\u00a0 It seemed to lay down on its side as often as it got the chance.\u00a0 Perhaps to my untrained eye, I\u2019m missing the nuance of his assistance.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Recently, it came to my attention that a group of concerned citizens has formed a nonprofit group to raise and train therapy dogs for overweight children.\u00a0 They assign the dogs to the children by weight, both the child\u2019s and the dog\u2019s.\u00a0 The chubbier the child, the chubbier the dog.\u00a0 The concept, as I understand it, is that by being around a dog that is more robust than the child, the child feels thinner, and thus better about him or herself.\u00a0 The society providing this assistance is using labradors, because, as anyone who has spent any time around a lab will tell you, those things will eat ten meals a day if you let them.\u00a0 The program has been hailed largely (no pun intended) as a success, but there have been challenges.\u00a0 In a few instances, children have, how shall I put this, \u201coutpaced\u201d their dogs in girth.\u00a0 The animals had to be returned to the association\u2019s kennel for \u201cretooling\u201d (i.e. placed on a strict regimen of high-fat liver flavored doggy shakes and other tasty caloric snacks).\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I put a call into the White House to alert First Lady Michelle Obama about this program, and to my pleasant surprise, she called me back.\u00a0 As many of you know, the First Lady launched a campaign to battle childhood obesity and promote a healthy diet.\u00a0 After explaining the program to her, Michelle (as I now call her), told me that she was concerned that this cutting edge therapy program might actually be enabling these children to continue to live an unhealthful lifestyle.\u00a0 Michelle inquired whether these companion therapy animals might better be trained to, for example, throw themselves between their chubby masters, as, say, they were reaching for a piece of chocolate cake.\u00a0 I replied to Michelle that might be pretty dangerous for the animals, but that I would see what I could do to communicate her thoughts to the association.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong.\u00a0 I am pro companion therapy animal.\u00a0 I even decided to borrow my neighbor\u2019s weimaraner, Gus, a dog bred over centuries to fulfill its essential role of being photographed wearing human clothing \u2013 in short, an animal harboring little to no remaining dignity, to act as my therapy companion.\u00a0 (My family is not able to have a pet, as my wife is allergic to having hair on the couch, that and muddy footprints).\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

As I have settled into middle age, I have found myself often plagued with the discomfort of gas buildup and bloating, especially after enjoying a large Mexican meal.\u00a0 So I thought, perhaps an anti-acid therapy companion might help.\u00a0 You know, calm me, and aid in settling the digestive juices. Truth be told, Gus is getting up there in years, eleven on his last birthday.\u00a0 Which, of course, in human years is 385.\u00a0 So he\u2019s a little slow off the dime.\u00a0 And they say you can\u2019t teach an old dog new tricks, but, he already has most of the necessary skills.\u00a0 He walks as slowly as I do, doesn\u2019t pull on the leash, and he collapses at my feet the moment I give him the chance.\u00a0 As I was hesitant to invest any actual money into my new endeavor, I was challenged to come up with a suitable, but necessary \u201cofficial vest\u201d for him (So I could take him anywhere I wanted, places where others might ignorantly consider his presence inappropriate).\u00a0 The only thing red I could find in the house was a kitchen apron my sister-in-law gave my wife for Christmas last year, with \u201cKiss the Chef\u201d printed across the front.\u00a0 However, by folding it in half and flipping it upside down, I was able to loop the neck stringy thing over Gus\u2019s head and tie the back strings under his belly.\u00a0 An artful black marker job later announcing Gus\u2019s status as an Anti-acid Therapy Animal, and I was in business. \u00a0I even embellished a bit by printing in smaller letters \u201cPlease Don\u2019t Pet Me, I\u2019m Working!\u201d beneath his title, for official effect.\u00a0 If you see Gus and me out and about, please stop and say hello (but don\u2019t mention anything about his \u201cvest\u201d). \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019d like to draw your attention to an emerging crisis.\u00a0 A crisis that looms even larger and more ominous than our country\u2019s staggering deficit or our precarious interests in the Middle East.\u00a0 I am,\u00a0of course,\u00a0speaking about the proliferation of therapy companion animals.\u00a0 In less time than it took us to move from cell phones the […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[16,532,15,17],"class_list":["post-7","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-dogs","tag-humor","tag-service-animals","tag-therapy-animals"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1385,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions\/1385"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}