{"id":654,"date":"2015-03-12T07:57:57","date_gmt":"2015-03-12T14:57:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=654"},"modified":"2015-03-12T07:57:57","modified_gmt":"2015-03-12T14:57:57","slug":"black-monday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=654","title":{"rendered":"Black Monday"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Clock\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

By Jack Edwards<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cLife is hard, and then you die.\u201d\u00a0 This is today’s inspirational topic.\u00a0 While I tend to be a cockeyed optimist, there is a certain amount of truth to this worn-out statement.\u00a0 Life is filled with difficulties – death, unfair taxes, but worst of all, a little something called \u201cSpring Forward.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0This is a\u00a0hellish government plot to steal an hour of our lives each March.\u00a0 And this, of course, leads to\u00a0 \u201cBlack Monday.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why, we ask, does the government heap this misery on us when we already face so many other hardships?\u00a0 For example, take \u201cSuggested Posts\u201d on Facebook.\u00a0 Where is the government to protect us from those?\u00a0 \u201cSuggested Posts\u201d are like the Facebook version of that irritating neighbor who keeps dropping by uninvited. \u00a0(Related side note: This grief does not apply to Jocularious.com.\u00a0 In fact, now would be a great time to share this post on Facebook.\u00a0 And by \u201cnow,\u201d I\u2019m referring to \u201cright now\u201d as in, \u201cthis very moment.\u201d\u00a0 We thank you for your cooperation.)<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t spring well.\u00a0 Never have.\u00a0 Back in my high school PE class (which should really be called \u201cPA\u201d for \u201cphysical activity\u201d \u2013 and very little of that) my less than energetic PE teacher (read that: worked on crossword puzzles on his clipboard while we physically educated ourselves) would have these \u201cunits\u201d on various sports.\u00a0 I don\u2019t recall a unit on gymnastics, but during gymnastics season we\u2019d horse around on the equipment which the gymnastic people so kindly left out in the open so that we could engage in what I must emphatically describe\u00a0as Completely Unsupervised life threatening activities.\u00a0 The good news is that no one ever sustained permanent<\/em> paralysis.\u00a0 Talk about a lesson.\u00a0 This whole \u201cpommel horse\u201d thing is about two light years harder than it looks.\u00a0 It\u2019s like running full speed into the side of a midsized Toyota.\u00a0 But I digress.\u00a0 My fascinating original point is that this was when I first realized I didn\u2019t spring well.\u00a0 I lack a penchant for springing.<\/p>\n

On a related topic, not only don\u2019t I spring, I don\u2019t even like to use a ladder.\u00a0 I have slowly come to agree with my sister, who I will refer to as \u201cSandie\u201d because her real name is Alicia, but she goes by Sandie.\u00a0 My sister Alicia who goes by Sandie takes a very vocal position that middle-aged men don\u2019t belong on ladders because they don\u2019t have the same agility they had in their younger years, but they are sadly too stupid to know it.\u00a0 Having learned this lesson the hard way, I am now one of her \u201canti middle-aged men on ladders\u201d disciples.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019m thinking of picketing Home Depot with a sign that depicts the outline of a potbellied man placing his foot on the first rung of a ladder with one of those circles with a line slashed through it.<\/p>\n

As much as I abhor \u201cSpring Forward,\u201d I\u2019m a huge fan of \u201cFall Back.\u201d\u00a0 Love, love , LOVE the \u201cFall Back.\u201d\u00a0 And, I have never met anyone who feels differently.<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s my idea.\u00a0 We repeal the stupid \u201cSpring Forward \u2013 Fall Back\u201d law, and replace it with a new MODIFIED \u201cFall Back\u201d law.\u00a0 Every weekend, we would set the clock back one hour.\u00a0 We\u2019ll head off to work each Monday as refreshed as if we’d spent the weekend at a spa.\u00a0 Now, I know what you\u2019re thinking.\u00a0 You\u2019re thinking, \u2018Wait, doesn\u2019t that mean during part of the year it would be dark all day?\u2019\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 But hey, most of us are inside all day anyway.<\/p>\n

And I have a great plan to promote my idea.\u00a0 We\u2019ll all pool our money and purchase \u201cSuggested Posts\u201d on Facebook.\u00a0 People will love them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jack Edwards \u201cLife is hard, and then you die.\u201d\u00a0 This is today’s inspirational topic.\u00a0 While I tend to be a cockeyed optimist, there is a certain amount of truth to this worn-out statement.\u00a0 Life is filled with difficulties – death, unfair taxes, but worst of all, a little something called \u201cSpring Forward.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0This is a\u00a0hellish […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[482,18,532,33,19,481,483],"class_list":["post-654","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-daylight-savings-time","tag-funny","tag-humor","tag-laugh","tag-lol","tag-spring-forward","tag-standard-time"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/654","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=654"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/654\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":660,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/654\/revisions\/660"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=654"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=654"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=654"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}