{"id":3328,"date":"2026-04-07T15:28:46","date_gmt":"2026-04-07T22:28:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3328"},"modified":"2026-04-07T15:39:06","modified_gmt":"2026-04-07T22:39:06","slug":"my-visit-with-an-adorable-pyromaniac","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3328","title":{"rendered":"My Visit with an Adorable Pyromaniac"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My two-year-old grandson visited over the weekend.  For the purposes of this story, I\u2019ll refer to him as \u201cBartholomew.\u201d  That is not his real name.  If I used his real name, my daughter would mount my head on a stick. Then she’d plant it next to the street as a gentle reminder to others of her rule against using his real name on social media. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

During his visit, in an impressive lack of foresight, I taught Bartholomew how to turn on the gas fireplace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my defense, I figured he\u2019d get a kick out it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boy, was I right! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a hit.  It was thrill.  It was a MISTAKE!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, it was amusing. The little guy would flip the switch, and announce \u201cFire!\u201d I laughed. He laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He found it so amusing that he did it, again.  And again.  And AGAIN!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Within minutes, Bartholomew appointed himself Supreme Commander of the Fireplace.  (Unfortunate side note: We have TWO gas fireplaces.  So he was a very busy boy.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By late afternoon, my house was several degrees above the Sun\u2019s surface.  People\u2019s faces were melting. The cat\u2019s tail caught on fire.  You\u2019ve probably seen how native Hawaiians lower a whole hog into a luau pit filled with red hot coals?  Let me put it this way – if they tossed that pig on my living room couch, it\u2019d be done in thirty minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used the last of my energy to crawl to the thermostat and crank the air conditioner to maximum.  It was my only hope of survival. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But through it all, there stood Bartholomew\u2014cute, calm, composed\u2014and immensely triumphant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you hear about a recent mysterious weather event in the Eugene, Oregon area, just know this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t teach my grandson how to turn on a gas fireplace.  I sadly crowned him Climate Master of the Universe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE END<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please like and share!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And check this out for the college student in your life…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/a.co\/d\/0fdW4bcB<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My two-year-old grandson visited over the weekend.  For the purposes of this story, I\u2019ll refer to him as \u201cBartholomew.\u201d  That is not his real name.  If I used his real name, my daughter would mount my head on a stick. Then she’d plant it next to the street as a gentle reminder to others of […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1103,2],"tags":[18,1106,1107,33,19,92,6],"class_list":["post-3328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment","category-humor","tag-funny","tag-grandchildren","tag-grandson","tag-laugh","tag-lol","tag-oregon","tag-parenting"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/img_2372.jpg?fit=1125%2C720&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3328","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3328"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3328\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3339,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3328\/revisions\/3339"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3328"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3328"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3328"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}