{"id":331,"date":"2014-05-01T07:14:32","date_gmt":"2014-05-01T14:14:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=331"},"modified":"2018-05-08T15:37:40","modified_gmt":"2018-05-08T22:37:40","slug":"narsasistic-vegan-disturbance-syndrome","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=331","title":{"rendered":"My Narcissistic Vegan Disturbance Syndrome"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"DSM<\/a><\/p>\n

By Jack Edwards<\/strong><\/p>\n

There\u2019s small \u201cc\u201d crazy and then there\u2019s American Psychiatric Association Crazy. In fact, the APA publishes a book called the DSM listing all the official types of crazy, and they assign each one a number. Everything\u2019s listed: Sociopathic, Paranoia, Crazy as a Bedbug \u2013 you name it. They\u2019re up to the DSM-V now because they keep changing their minds about what is and isn\u2019t crazy. One minute, for example (just for example \u2013 not a real life example) they say that someone who enjoys sprinkling belly button lint on their scrambled eggs is crazy. Then after the APA comes back from their three martini lunch to discuss it further, they decide it\u2019s not crazy – it\u2019s just disgusting.<\/p>\n

The reason I mention this is that I\u2019ve been perusing the DSM to find my number. I\u2019m pretty sure I have one. Of course, it\u2019s always possible, however unlikely, that I\u2019m not officially crazy.<\/p>\n

Let me explain. Last year I became a vegan for two months. I chronicled my journey in a Jocularious column titled \u201cMy Life as a Vegan\u201d –http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=71<\/a>. Well, I have, as of late, been considering a return to veganism, but not for any traditional reason (if you can use the word \u201ctraditional\u201d in describing veganism). Forget reasons like health, sustainability and animal rights. The reason I am considering returning to veganism is that it bothers everyone but other vegans. It drives some people so bonkers that the APA has probably assigned them a number. I can\u2019t describe the pleasure I get out of being the bug in the ointment. A few salacious examples-<\/p>\n

#1 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Event planner for a board of directors dinner: \u201cJack, aren\u2019t you a vegan?\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: \u201cYeah, but don\u2019t worry about me. I\u2019ll make do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Event planner: \u201cNo. No problem at all. I\u2019ll see what I can do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: \u201cPlease, don\u2019t bother yourself.\u201d (Pleasure endorphins releasing in my brain by the millions).<\/p>\n

#2\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Uncle Herb at Aunt Alice\u2019s holiday gathering: \u201cA vegan? What in the hell is wrong with you boy? Next thing you\u2019ll be chaining yourself to the slaughter shoot at the pork processing factory. Dog-nab-it, that\u2019s what\u2019s wrong with this country!\u201d<\/p>\n

#3\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Me, sitting down at a restaurant with friends for lunch, inquiring of the waitress: \u201cDoes your veggie burger contain any animal products?\u201d<\/p>\n

Waitress, masking mild irritation but maintaining a forced smile to salvage a tip: \u201cThe burger is made of 100% vegetables.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: \u201cWhat about the bun?\u201d<\/p>\n

Waitress: \u201cHum, I would have to check. I know the veggie burger is vegetarian.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: \u201cI\u2019m a vegan. I don\u2019t eat any animal products whatsoever. Thanks for checking on the bun.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, as you can see, there is immense pleasure in lording one\u2019s vegan status over others. The question is whether the APA has assigned a DSM number to it yet. Perhaps I should send them an email inquiring. Better yet, I\u2019ll send it to them after they\u2019ve had lunch.<\/p>\n

Please take a moment to share!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Click here on Jocularious.com<\/a> to access Facebook, Twitter and other \u201cshare\u201d buttons. Earn good karma!<\/p>\n

Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s free and easy, and Jocularious will arrive in your inbox each week.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a Three Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books for gifts:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jack Edwards There\u2019s small \u201cc\u201d crazy and then there\u2019s American Psychiatric Association Crazy. In fact, the APA publishes a book called the DSM listing all the official types of crazy, and they assign each one a number. Everything\u2019s listed: Sociopathic, Paranoia, Crazy as a Bedbug \u2013 you name it. They\u2019re up to the DSM-V […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[269,266,268,267,18,532,33,19,12,270],"class_list":["post-331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-american-psychiatric-association","tag-apa","tag-crazy","tag-dsm","tag-funny","tag-humor","tag-laugh","tag-lol","tag-vegan","tag-veganism"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=331"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1271,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions\/1271"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}