{"id":3224,"date":"2023-07-02T06:49:57","date_gmt":"2023-07-02T13:49:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3224"},"modified":"2023-07-02T08:21:31","modified_gmt":"2023-07-02T15:21:31","slug":"when-i-first-heard-the-term-the-silent-killer-i-thought-they-were-talking-about-a-fart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3224","title":{"rendered":"When I First Heard the Term “The Silent Killer” I Thought They Were Talking About a Fart"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I recently made the enormous mistake of taking my blood\npressure on one of those home testing machines. \nWhen I saw the reading, it almost gave me a heart attack!  Let me put it this way, if my blood pressure\nwas the stock market, we\u2019d all be lighting cigars with hundred-dollar bills and\nsipping Dom Perignon.  My blood pressure\nwas one nanoparticle from the zone labeled, \u201cSeek medical attention now!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I took immediate action. \nAnd by, \u201ctook immediate action,\u201d I mean I whacked the machine a couple\nof times and tried it again.  Yikes!  The same shocking result.  It was either broken, or my life expectancy was\nabout two-hours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doctors call high blood pressure \u201cthe silent killer.\u201d  (My old knucklehead friends at Alsea\nElementary would beg to differ.  They had\na different definition, but I digress.)  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The medical community loves to invent witty little names for\nmedical conditions.  \u201cThe Silent Killer\u201d\nis right up there with another medical knee-slapper, \u201cThe Widow Maker.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lovely. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Confronted with this dire situation, there was only one\nsensible course of action.  So, I started\npondering whether I would rather die from a heart attack or a stroke.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By chance, my bi-five-yearly physical was scheduled the next\nweek.  I pictured a nurse taking my blood\npressure and screaming, \u201cHeart attack on a plate!  I need a stretcher!  STAT!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the meantime, I stumbled across a book called The\nBlood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet<\/em>, by Dr. Mark Hyman.  He claims that if you follow his diet, you will\ndramatically improve your vital signs, increase your overall health, and lose\nweight. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me summarize the diet \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No sugar (of, course)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No starchy vegetables (my favorite)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No sugar laden fruits (again, my favorite)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No processed foods<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No dairy <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No legumes (for my fellow geniuses from Alsea Elementary,\nthis means no beans). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No caffeine <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, most painfully, no alcohol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve heard the phrase, \u201cgrass-fed beef?\u201d  Go on this diet and you be a \u201cgrass-fed person.\u201d  I\u2019m just kidding!  You get to eat regular servings of\nprotein.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was two days into this diet when I saw my doctor.  Surprisingly, my blood pressure was high, but\nnot crazy high.  My doctor told me to\ntrack it over the next month or so and report back if it got much higher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This morning, my blood pressure was 105 over 69!  So, I took immediate action!  I whacked the machine on the side a couple of\ntimes and retook the test. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me put it this way. \nIf my blood pressure were the stock market, we\u2019d all be destitute and living\nin cardboard boxes! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you, Dr. Hyman! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***The End***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please share this post! Hit your Facebook, Twitter or other social media share button now!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And SUBSCRIBE!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you know anyone in college, or heading there soon, do them a favor and gift them this book:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground – hit the link below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/rb.gy\/xf2og<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently made the enormous mistake of taking my blood pressure on one of those home testing machines.  When I saw the reading, it almost gave me a heart attack!  Let me put it this way, if my blood pressure was the stock market, we\u2019d all be lighting cigars with hundred-dollar bills and sipping Dom […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3226,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1092,1090,1091],"class_list":["post-3224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-blood-pressure-humor","tag-fart-humor","tag-flatulence-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/Blood-Pressure-Device-.jpg?fit=1266%2C1006&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3224"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3224\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3235,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3224\/revisions\/3235"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3226"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}