{"id":3161,"date":"2023-06-10T07:59:26","date_gmt":"2023-06-10T14:59:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3161"},"modified":"2023-06-18T17:30:10","modified_gmt":"2023-06-19T00:30:10","slug":"junie-is-a-loveable-fur-ball-who-only-occasionally-bites-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3161","title":{"rendered":"Junie is a Loveable Fur Ball (Who Only Occasionally Bites Men)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The first\ntime I met my daughter Zoe\u2019s new dog, Junie, it walked over to me in a friendly\nmanner, seemed to smile at me, and bit me. \nThankfully, I possess an amazing ability to react calmly to a\ncrisis.  So, I screamed like a girl.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zoe raced\nover and asked me if it drew blood.  I\ntold her it didn\u2019t, and then she announced: \u201cThen it doesn\u2019t count.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What the #@%?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fun facts about Junie \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, Junie wasn\u2019t really a \u201cnew\u201d dog.\u00a0 She was actually a \u201cused\u201d dog. My daughter and son-in-law got her from the pound.\u00a0 (Probably on sale).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, Junie is half Pitbull and half \u201cwhatever happened to be trotting down the alley that day.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Third, Junie does NOT like men. \u00a0Apparently, some jack*ss abused Junie early in life, and she clearly still harbors a \u201cbiting\u201d resentment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast-forward\nsix months to a late-night phone call from Zoe: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDad, I\u2019ve\ngot an emergency, and I have to drop Junie off at your house.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I reminded\nher that the first time I met Junie, she said \u201chello\u201d by biting me, and I\u2019ve\nbeen avoiding her ever since. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My daughter\nresponded by telling me I just had to remember three things \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Always let her come to you (don\u2019t approach her). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Don\u2019t pet\nher on the top of her head. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Under\nno circumstance<\/em> should I make eye-contact with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No eye-contact?\u00a0 Was she telling me how to take care of her dog or survive in a stretch in a San Quentin?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Smash\ncut to my daughter knocking on my door with \u201cJunie the biting dog.<\/em><\/strong>\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most people who dog sit worry that the dog will get nervous and relieve itself on the floor.\u00a0 I was worried that I would get nervous and relieve myself on the floor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fortunately, this story had a happy ending.\u00a0 After two days of tiptoeing around the house trying to avoid eye-contact with Cujo, (I mean Junie), things finally settled down.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure what ultimately changed Junie\u2019s mind about me.\u00a0 One possibility is that I won her over with my charming personality.\u00a0 The other, more likely, possibility is that she remembered me screaming like a girl and reclassified my gender.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Either way, I survived to tell the tale.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The first time I met my daughter Zoe\u2019s new dog, Junie, it walked over to me in a friendly manner, seemed to smile at me, and bit me.  Thankfully, I possess an amazing ability to react calmly to a crisis.  So, I screamed like a girl.  Zoe raced over and asked me if it drew […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3162,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1083,1084],"class_list":["post-3161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-biting-dog","tag-dog-bites-man"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Junie.jpg?fit=1102%2C924&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3161"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3171,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3161\/revisions\/3171"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}