{"id":3113,"date":"2022-11-12T08:42:27","date_gmt":"2022-11-12T16:42:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3113"},"modified":"2022-11-12T08:42:30","modified_gmt":"2022-11-12T16:42:30","slug":"how-you-can-win-at-powerball","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3113","title":{"rendered":"How You Can Win at Powerball"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Most of us have dreamed of winning PowerBall.\u00a0 We\u2019ve dreamed of luxury automobiles.\u00a0 We\u2019ve dreamed of palatial estates.\u00a0 We\u2019ve dreamed of first-class travel to exotic locations.\u00a0 And, of course, we\u2019ve dreamed of changing our names to hide from our shyster relatives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the way, I just discovered Microsoft Word drank the \u201cwoke\u201d\nKool-Aid.  I found this out a moment ago\nwhen I typed the word \u201cshyster.\u201d  When I typed\nthat word, here\u2019s what popped up on the screen \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Take a pill, Microsoft Word! \nAll I want from YOU is Spellcheck! \n(And, by the way, let me take this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude\nfor Spellcheck, because, as many of my readers know, I am a product of Alsea\nElementary School System.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I digress\u2026 back to PowerBall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Believe it or not, there is a surefire method to win.\u00a0 This method takes intelligence, focus, and most importantly, self-control.<\/em> \u00a0SO, PAY ATTENTION IN THE BACK ROW!\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is the fundamental question: Do you have a burning desire to win at PowerBall?\u00a0 I mean deep down \u2013 into the marrow of your bones?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the answer is \u201cyes,\u201d keep reading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Memorize this three-stop process:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Do not, under any circumstances, skip any of the following steps.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step One: Locate a PowerBall vending machine.\u00a0 If you can, find one at a small \u201cmom and pop\u201d grocery.\u00a0 (If the store has a bin at the front counter filled with beef jerky that\u2019s been sitting there fossilizing since WWII, you\u2019ve found the right place.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step Two: Pull two one-dollar bills out of your pocket.  Snap them a couple of times to get the\nwrinkles out.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(The final step is critical. \nPay strict attention!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step Three: Carefully, oh so carefully, slide the two one-dollar\nbills BACK INTO YOUR POCKET.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The odds of winning PowerBall are 1 in 300 million.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By comparison, the odds of getting attacked by an alligator\nare 1 in 3 million \u2013 and that\u2019s only if you live in Florida!  Who knows how astronomical the odds are for\nthose of you in Butt Pimple, Michigan!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have a 100 times better chance of getting attacked by an\nalligator than winning PowerBall.  One\nhundred times!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to say \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are better off being attacked by an alligator with two\ndollars in your pocket than giving those two dollars to PowerBall.  (Unfortunately, in the event you are killed by\nthe alligator, those two bucks will be divvyed up by your shyster relatives.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, YES, Microsoft Word, I\u2019m well aware that \u201cthe use of\nthis word may be offensive to [my] reader.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most of us have dreamed of winning PowerBall.\u00a0 We\u2019ve dreamed of luxury automobiles.\u00a0 We\u2019ve dreamed of palatial estates.\u00a0 We\u2019ve dreamed of first-class travel to exotic locations.\u00a0 And, of course, we\u2019ve dreamed of changing our names to hide from our shyster relatives. By the way, I just discovered Microsoft Word drank the \u201cwoke\u201d Kool-Aid.  I found […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3115,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1076,1075],"class_list":["post-3113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-lottery-humor","tag-powerball-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/PowerBall.jpeg?fit=2073%2C1738&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3113","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3113"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3113\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3130,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3113\/revisions\/3130"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3115"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}