{"id":3107,"date":"2023-07-08T11:03:24","date_gmt":"2023-07-08T18:03:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3107"},"modified":"2023-07-08T11:03:28","modified_gmt":"2023-07-08T18:03:28","slug":"just-because-a-store-is-open-24-hours-does-not-mean-you-should-shop-at-4-am","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3107","title":{"rendered":"Just Because A Store Is Open 24 Hours Does NOT Mean You Should Shop At 4 AM"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The fact that the parking lot was a barren landscape was the\nfirst sign that I should have abandoned my plan to shop and immediately made my\nescape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nevertheless, like the stupid teenager in the horror film\nwho goes down into the basement to investigate where all the blood and screaming\nis coming from, I continued.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before you label me a weirdo for being up that early, let me\ndefend myself.  I was up because I had to\ndrop my sister off at the airport for her conveniently scheduled 5 a.m. flight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I entered the store and people were scattered everywhere,\nfrantically restocking shelves.  (Where had\nthey all parked?!)  I felt like I was competing\non American Gladiators trying to crawl over, around and through them to snatch\nmy basic food essentials.  One of my most\nbasic food essentials was in an aisle particularly crammed with workers.  I was forced to squeeze my way through a dangerous\ngauntlet of these industrious folks who were swinging box cutters around like The\nThree Musketeers.  I was on a critical\nmission \u2013 to find and capture a family-sized box of Cheez-Its.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The true benefit of shopping at 4 am is spending quality\ntime with the earlier risers in our community \u2013 those folks who shame us with\ntheir productivity and cheerful attitudes. \nAnd by this, I mean the meth addicts who have been up all night tweaking\nand are now in desperate search for junk food. \nOkay, not ALL the 4 a.m. customers were meth addicts!  Only 99%. \nOkay, on this particular morning there was just one.  This tall, skinny wild-eyed lady zoomed in front\nof me as I approached the checkout stand. \nShe plopped a bag of donuts on the counter and stood there in a daze rocking\nlike a 1963 Bel Air on seven cylinders.  Then\nshe suddenly snapped from her daze and pulled out her Oregon Trail Card.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For those of you not familiar with The Beaver State, let me be\nthe first to inform you \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The genius politicians who run our state wisely decided to name\nour food stamp or \u201cfood benefit\u201d card the \u201cOregon Trail Card.\u201d  This is because no one epitomizes the independent\nspirt of those brave pioneers who traversed the thousands of miles of mountains,\nrivers and treacherous terrain to settle here in the 1800s, like a stoner who\ngets up at 10 a.m. every day to smoke a bowl before settling down to watch The\nPrice is Right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The moral of the story: Just because a store is OPEN 24 hours a day, doesn\u2019t mean you should shop at 4 a.m. \u2013 no matter how much you need those tasty Cheez-Its.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***The End***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please share this post! Hit the Facebook, Twitter or other social media button now!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you have a college student in your life, consider gifting them this handbook. (Click the link below.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/rb.gy\/xf2og.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The fact that the parking lot was a barren landscape was the first sign that I should have abandoned my plan to shop and immediately made my escape. Nevertheless, like the stupid teenager in the horror film who goes down into the basement to investigate where all the blood and screaming is coming from, I […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3108,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[846,1074],"class_list":["post-3107","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-shopping-humor","tag-winco-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/24-Hours-Winn-Co.jpeg?fit=%2C&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3107","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3107"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3107\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3244,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3107\/revisions\/3244"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3108"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}