{"id":3082,"date":"2022-11-05T08:03:06","date_gmt":"2022-11-05T15:03:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3082"},"modified":"2022-11-05T08:03:10","modified_gmt":"2022-11-05T15:03:10","slug":"my-wife-announced-she-had-arranged-a-vacation-for-us-to-chicago-to-get-murdered","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3082","title":{"rendered":"My Wife Announced She Had Arranged A Vacation For Us To Chicago To Get Murdered"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Okay, my wife didn\u2019t<\/em> tell me we were going to Chicago\nto get murdered.  What she actually said\nwas, \u201cI planned a trip for us to Chicago.\u201d \nMy brain added the \u201cto get murdered\u201d part.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are \u201cvacation people\u201d and \u201cnon-vacation people.\u201d\u00a0 I am a non-vacation person.\u00a0 So, I was immediately irritated that I had to arrange time in my busy schedule to go to Chicago and get murdered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before I know it, I\u2019m butt cheek to butt check with my fellow coach passengers, waiting patiently for my tiny packet of Fiesta Mix, jetting east to Chicago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We land at O\u2019Hare and head directly for The Drake.  I immediately realized I have no business\nstaying at this historic hotel once I stepped into the elevator.  La-di-da! \nEvery elevator is equipped with its very own couch.  I\u2019m not kidding, take a look \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The next day, to celebrate that we made it to our hotel\nwithout getting murdered, we decided to visit the Field Museum.  You know a museum is ginormous when they put\nlife-sized elephants in the lobby as an \u201caccent piece.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Field Museum is so large that I recommend that you carry one of those gps devices that mountain climbers use to help the rescue team find their frozen bodies.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We spent the next day exploring the \u201cMagnificent Mile.\u201d\u00a0 This is a long stretch of Michigan Avenue peppered with name-brand, flagship stores.\u00a0 Since we live in Oregon, which does not have a sales tax, it was important for us to take advantage of this opportunity to not only pay full retail for things we could buy at home, but sales tax on top of it.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because we\u2019re tourists<\/em>, that why!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amazingly, as we sauntered up and down the avenue, not only\ndid we not get murdered, we didn\u2019t even see <\/em>anyone get murdered!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, since we were in Chicago, we had to visit the Art\nInstitute of Chicago.  Not because it\u2019s\none of the world\u2019s most prominent art museums, but because it was featured in\nthat classic movie, Ferris Bueller\u2019s Day Off. \nThat, and because it has giant lions in front \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

We got to see famous paintings, including the grumpy farmer\nand his wife \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

For some reason, I thought this painting would be bigger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It also has a whole wing devoted to modern art.  I discovered that \u201cmodern art\u201d is code for\n\u201csomething you can construct out of scraps in your garage in 30 minutes or less.\u201d  I\u2019m not kidding.  Here\u2019s a very important piece that I named,\n\u201cPicture Frame with a Wire Sticking Out of It.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m sure it has a real name, but there is no way that name is more accurate than mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, I highly recommend you visit the Windy City.\u00a0 You\u2019ll have a blast.\u00a0 And, I can now say with complete confidence that there is far less than a 70% chance you\u2019ll get murdered.\u00a0 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Okay, my wife didn\u2019t tell me we were going to Chicago to get murdered.  What she actually said was, \u201cI planned a trip for us to Chicago.\u201d  My brain added the \u201cto get murdered\u201d part.  There are \u201cvacation people\u201d and \u201cnon-vacation people.\u201d\u00a0 I am a non-vacation person.\u00a0 So, I was immediately irritated that I had […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3087,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1073],"class_list":["post-3082","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-chicago-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Final-Bean-1.jpeg?fit=%2C&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3082","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3082"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3082\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3106,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3082\/revisions\/3106"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3082"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3082"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3082"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}