{"id":3011,"date":"2022-05-31T20:19:07","date_gmt":"2022-06-01T03:19:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3011"},"modified":"2022-05-31T20:19:10","modified_gmt":"2022-06-01T03:19:10","slug":"i-just-watched-top-gun-and-now-at-a-youthful-61-i-must-join-the-navy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=3011","title":{"rendered":"I Just Watched Top Gun, and Now, at a Youthful 61, I Must Join the Navy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The last\nthing I want to do is make military service OR saving the world from rogue\nthird-world counties ALL ABOUT ME.  But\nlet\u2019s take a moment and make it all about me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just\nwatched the new Top Gun movie, and after nearly two hours of powering down a fifty-gallon\ndrum of buttered popcorn, and feeling adrenaline coursing through my veins, I\nhave officially decided to join the Navy. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is only one problem.\u00a0 According to the Navy\u2019s website, the oldest you can join the Navy is 39, or 42 as an officer candidate.\u00a0 This blatant age discrimination stands in the way of my piloting a F-18 fighter jet.\u00a0 Yes, the exact plane that Tom Cruise uses to save the world from an ambiguous, yet unnamed, rogue nation trying to develop a nuclear weapon.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My niece, who for purposes of the column I will refer to as \u201cElise,\u201d because her name is Elise Erickson, is currently a US Marine officer.\u00a0 Her service brings tremendous pride to our family, and by all accounts, she exemplifies the best that the US Marines has to offer.\u00a0 However, I fear that not even Elise can pull the “right strings\u201d to convince the bureaucrats in Washington to waive the mere 19-year gap between their arbitrarily established \u201cso called\u201d maximum age of 42, and my very youthful, and may I say SPRY, age of 61.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My only chance to serve my country is if I use the technique employed by so many teenagers at the beginning of World War II.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to lie about my age.\u00a0 In 1942, any number of 17-year-olds claimed to be 18 to join the military.\u00a0 AND they got away with it.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m going to\ndo the same thing, only in reverse.  I\u2019m\ngoing to wipe a full tube of Grecian Formula through what\u2019s left of my hair,\nand then I\u2019m going to rehearse saying into the mirror, \u201cHello, I\u2019m Jack Edwards,\nand I\u2019m 42.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is only then\nthat I will finally be able to achieve my destiny:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Flying a Navy jet to save our country from the dangers of ambiguous, yet unnamed, rogue nations.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And in my spare time, of course, I’ll buzz the tower. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The last thing I want to do is make military service OR saving the world from rogue third-world counties ALL ABOUT ME.  But let\u2019s take a moment and make it all about me. I just watched the new Top Gun movie, and after nearly two hours of powering down a fifty-gallon drum of buttered popcorn, […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3012,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1065,1064,1063],"class_list":["post-3011","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-military-humor","tag-navy-humor","tag-top-gun-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Top-Gun.jpeg?fit=686%2C575&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3011","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3011"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3011\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3022,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3011\/revisions\/3022"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3012"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3011"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3011"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}