{"id":2992,"date":"2022-05-25T19:42:23","date_gmt":"2022-05-26T02:42:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2992"},"modified":"2022-05-25T19:42:26","modified_gmt":"2022-05-26T02:42:26","slug":"ive-decided-to-start-living-dangerously-im-drinking-tap-water","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2992","title":{"rendered":"I’ve Decided to Start Living Dangerously – I’m Drinking Tap Water"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I recently entered\na new phase of my midlife crisis.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, I\u2019m not\nbuying a motorcycle.  (I think you have\nto be an organ donor for that.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, I\u2019m not\njumping out of a plane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO, I\u2019m not\nappearing on Naked and Afraid.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those things\nare pedestrian, even mundane. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m throwing\ncaution to the wind –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am drinking\nTAP water!  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I should point out that I do not live in Flint\u2026\u00a0 Hey, I\u2019m not suicidal.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me now\nshift back to reality –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who came up\nwith this bottled water insanity?  My\nguess is the Evil Nestle Corporation, but keep in mind that my guess is always\nthe Evil Nestle Corporation.  I blame\nthem for nearly everything.  Everything,\nthat is, except those tasty Toll House Cookies. \nGod bless you, Evil Nestle Corporation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, there\nare places where the water tastes like crap (like Los Angeles).  But it\u2019s perfectly fine over most of this\nGreat Land we call the good \u2018ole US of A. \nBe that as it may, if you dare raise a glass of tap water to your lips,\nyou risk a concerned citizen diving on you to save you from that liquid poison like\na war hero diving on a grenade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we don\u2019t\njust drink bottled water.  We drink\nbottled water from Fiji!  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and Italy \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and France –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And Iceland \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It has to be \u201cperfectly\u201d pH balanced \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s got to be Zen \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It hit me if\nthat if we\u2019re importing all this fancy water from around the world, we should\nstart exporting ours back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[Drumroll]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Introducing:\nLewis and Clark pH Balanced Water! \nBottled straight from the source! \n(We won\u2019t mention \u201cthe source\u201d is the Portland Municipal Water District.)  They\u2019re going absolutely LOVE it in France!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently entered a new phase of my midlife crisis.  No, I\u2019m not buying a motorcycle.  (I think you have to be an organ donor for that.) No, I\u2019m not jumping out of a plane. NO, I\u2019m not appearing on Naked and Afraid.  Those things are pedestrian, even mundane. I\u2019m throwing caution to the wind […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2993,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[1062],"class_list":["post-2992","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-bottled-water-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Bottle-Water-Fiji-in-Hand.jpeg?fit=640%2C538&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2992","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2992"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2992\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3010,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2992\/revisions\/3010"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2993"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2992"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2992"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2992"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}