{"id":2922,"date":"2022-03-06T11:08:43","date_gmt":"2022-03-06T19:08:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2922"},"modified":"2022-03-06T11:08:46","modified_gmt":"2022-03-06T19:08:46","slug":"how-to-confront-a-psychopathic-drone-owner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2922","title":{"rendered":"How to Confront a Psychopathic Drone Owner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I visited the beach yesterday.\u00a0 A sign posted at the entrance point had four pictures on it \u2013 A crab, a cigarette butt, a sand dollar and a starfish.\u00a0 It read: \u201cWhich of these things doesn\u2019t belong here?\u201d\u00a0 My heart sank.\u00a0 Have we really reached the point as a society where we\u2019re banning crabs from the beach?\u00a0 I was so disgusted that I threw my cigarette down and stomped it with my sole.\u00a0 Just kidding!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want the ember to burn my rubber Nike sole, so I bent down and crushed it into the sand.\u00a0 Just kidding again!\u00a0 (Author\u2019s note:\u00a0 I don\u2019t smoke, except fictionally, as needed humor purposes.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say what you will about chain-smoking beachcombers, but if we don\u2019t want people tossing their cigarette butts on the beach, why do we put sand in ashtrays?\u00a0 Uh-huh?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Enough about chain-smoking beachcombers. Let\u2019s talk about drones.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can now buy a drone for less than the price of Taco Bell Chalupa.\u00a0 As a result, every psychopath is now free to terrorize the neighborhood, or in my case, the beach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was cold and windy, so my wife thought this was the perfect time to torture me with a walk on the beach.\u00a0 For obvious reasons, few people were on the beach.\u00a0 Suddenly, I hear a whirling.\u00a0 I look up, and a drone is hovering 20 feet away.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know much about drones, but it looked like it was spying one me.\u00a0 There were two zillion square feet of vacant beach in all four directions, but this thing was hovering over me like a bee circling a flower.\u00a0 (No, I do not think of myself as a flower, but the only other simile that came to mind was, \u201clike a fly circling a pile of horse manure.\u201d)\u00a0 So, yes, a BEE circling a FLOWER.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did what any other red-blooded American would.\u00a0 I picked up a rock and threw it at the drone.\u00a0 I thought, what are the odds I\u2019d hit it?\u00a0 Turned out, 100%!\u00a0 Nailed it smack in the center.\u00a0 It hung in the air for a moment, and then it spun out of control and crashed into the waves.\u00a0 Except\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t\nthrow the rock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s because\nin real life, I\u2019m a lawyer.  So, I just THOUGHT\nabout throwing the rock, and then I thought:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. What if\nthe owner chases me down and pummels the daylights out of me?  (I was wearing Crocks for crying out loud!) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. What if\nthe owner calls the police?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. What if the police officer is psychopathic drone owner?\u00a0 (I put those odds at 93%.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I did\nthe next best thing.  I gave it the\nfinger.  Just kidding again!  My minister, who for the purposes of this\ncolumn, I will refer to as, \u201cSteve,\u201d because his name is Steve Hill, would tell\nme that would be the \u201cwrong thing to do\u201d (most of the time, anyway).  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, like a said, I didn\u2019t throw the rock.\u00a0 The only thing I threw was my cigarette butt down at a nearby crab.\u00a0 Wasn\u2019t he banned from the beach anyway?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I visited the beach yesterday.\u00a0 A sign posted at the entrance point had four pictures on it \u2013 A crab, a cigarette butt, a sand dollar and a starfish.\u00a0 It read: \u201cWhich of these things doesn\u2019t belong here?\u201d\u00a0 My heart sank.\u00a0 Have we really reached the point as a society where we\u2019re banning crabs from […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2923,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[800,1054],"class_list":["post-2922","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-cigarette-humor","tag-drone-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Beach-Sign.jpeg?fit=2763%2C2317&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2922","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2922"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2922\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2940,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2922\/revisions\/2940"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2923"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2922"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2922"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2922"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}