{"id":291,"date":"2014-03-27T06:01:50","date_gmt":"2014-03-27T13:01:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=291"},"modified":"2018-05-08T20:19:18","modified_gmt":"2018-05-09T03:19:18","slug":"zombies-shocked-pre-existing-condition-not-covered-by-obamacare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=291","title":{"rendered":"Zombies Shocked Pre-existing Condition Not Covered By Obamacare"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Final<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

By Jack Edwards<\/b><\/p>\n

I have the same question about Obamacare as everyone else.\u00a0 The same overarching question that is (no GOP pun intended) the elephant in the room.\u00a0 The question that the Obama Administration has thus far refused to answer.\u00a0 That question, of course, is whether Obamacare will cover the preexisting condition of being a zombie.\u00a0 As a result, pollsters have reported record numbers of the Undead defecting to the Tea Party.<\/p>\n

People don\u2019t ask<\/i> to become zombies.\u00a0 They don\u2019t aspire<\/i> to become zombies.\u00a0 One day you die (perhaps because the DEATH PANEL wants to save a few bucks to pay for its annual \u201cworking\u201d retreat to San Tropez), and then next day some voodoo doctor digs you up and all of a sudden you\u2019re the newest member of the Undead.\u00a0 The UNINSURED Undead.\u00a0 It\u2019s bad enough that zombies don\u2019t get any of the cool starring roles in Hollywood films (unlike those stuck-up vampires).\u00a0 No.\u00a0 They have to stumble about aimlessly with their flesh falling off.\u00a0 Their UNINSURED flesh falling off!<\/p>\n

I called Richard Schenkman, the director of the direct-to-video masterpiece Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies<\/i>, and asked him why zombies have historically faced such blatant discrimination.\u00a0 Adeptly utilizing the Socratic method of answering a question with a question, Mr. Schenkman responded, and I quote: “How the hell did you get my number?”\u00a0 (Yet another Hollywood A-lister, refusing to share his craft.)<\/p>\n

Fully one-third of Americans believe zombies exist.\u00a0 My source?\u00a0 Because one-third of Americans believe that the moon is made out of cheese and that Charleston Heston really was Moses.<\/p>\n

If you want to learn about zombies, you need to visit the website ZomBeeWatch.org.\u00a0 (This is a REAL website.\u00a0 I am not making this up.)\u00a0 But, disappointingly, ZomBeeWatch.org is not actually about human<\/i> zombies, it is about bee<\/i> zombies, or \u201cZomBees\u201d.\u00a0 Apparently all of our honey bees are slowly turning into ZomBees.\u00a0 You can read all about it at ZomBeeWatch.\u00a0 It tells you how you can help look for ZomBees.\u00a0 It even has a map that shows you where all the ZomBees live.\u00a0 Here\u2019s a hint, if you want to avoid ZomBees, consider moving to Montana, Nebraska or New Mexico.\u00a0 ZomBees may not be cool like vampire bees, but they like to hang on the west coast, waiting tables and hoping for their big break.<\/p>\n

I thought everyone already knew that there were zombie bees.\u00a0 They\u2019re called wasps.\u00a0 Wasps are the serial killers of the insect world.\u00a0 I know, because I\u2019m surprised I\u2019m alive today.\u00a0 When I was twelve (this is a true but embarrassing story), I was walking through a field and saw a wasp nest the size of the Hindenburg hanging from an apple tree branch.\u00a0 Having logged my share of hours staring at Warner Bros. cartoons, I was familiar with the caricature of bees zipping from the nest, hovering into military formation and then shooting toward their victim at lighting velocity.\u00a0 But I was 12 after all, and like all other cartoon theatrics, such as the Roadrunner racing up a sheer vertical wall or Popeye punching Bluto into the next time zone, I figured the bee thing was just more cartoon jocularity.\u00a0 So I did what any 12 year old boy would do.\u00a0 I picked up a fallen apple and threw a \u201cfastball\u201d straight at the center of the nest.\u00a0 I was thrilled with the direct hit.\u00a0 Until the Warner Bros. cartoon came flooding out of the hive.\u00a0 All one million painful parts of it.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just say, I was no Roadrunner.<\/p>\n

So, as I said, I always knew ZomBees existed.\u00a0 I just didn\u2019t know that they were uninsured.<\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books for gifts:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jack Edwards I have the same question about Obamacare as everyone else.\u00a0 The same overarching question that is (no GOP pun intended) the elephant in the room.\u00a0 The question that the Obama Administration has thus far refused to answer.\u00a0 That question, of course, is whether Obamacare will cover the preexisting condition of being a […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[246,237,238,243,532,245,244,102,236,66,242,241,231],"class_list":["post-291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-bluto","tag-death-panel","tag-death-panels","tag-hindenburg","tag-humor","tag-popeye","tag-roadrunner","tag-tea-party","tag-undead","tag-vampire","tag-warner-bros","tag-wasp","tag-zombie"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=291"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1278,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions\/1278"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}