{"id":2792,"date":"2021-09-06T00:11:40","date_gmt":"2021-09-06T07:11:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2792"},"modified":"2021-09-06T00:11:44","modified_gmt":"2021-09-06T07:11:44","slug":"my-barber-cut-my-hair-so-short-that-people-are-now-thanking-me-for-my-service","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2792","title":{"rendered":"My Barber Cut My Hair So Short That People Are Now Thanking Me For My Service"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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My barber recently cut my hair so short that people are now thanking me for my service.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I have never served in the military.\u00a0 So, I always feel a tinge of guilt when I tell them I did it for God and country, and that even though I was wounded in action, I\u2019d do it again.\u00a0 Just kidding!\u00a0 I would never say that!\u00a0 I only tell them I did it for God and country.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The closest I ever got to serving in the military was being in the Webelos when I was ten.\u00a0 Don\u2019t scoff!\u00a0 I faced plenty of danger as a Webelo.\u00a0 In fact, I was once injured.\u00a0 My mother pricked me sewing on a merit badge. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I digress\u2026  Back to my hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me put it this way, a naked mole-rat has more hair than I do.\u00a0 An eggplant has more hair than I do.\u00a0 A Brazilian-waxed butt cheek has MUCH more hair than I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife is always horrified when I come home with my hair this short.\u00a0 I always have to brace myself for her reaction.\u00a0 By the look on her face, you\u2019d think I walked in with a swastika tattooed on my forehead.\u00a0 She should really blame my parents.\u00a0 They were children of the Great Depression.\u00a0 I was raised to make sure I always got my money\u2019s worth.\u00a0 That includes haircuts.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to let some shyster barber get the better of me by allowing him to simply trim my mop into an attractive hairstyle.\u00a0 Hair grows about half an inch a month.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be damned if don\u2019t get at least two or three months\u2019 worth out of a cut.\u00a0 It just makes good economic sense.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plus, the overwhelming appreciation I receive from my fellow citizens is so richly rewarding.\u00a0 It almost makes me wish I actually enlisted.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My barber recently cut my hair so short that people are now thanking me for my service.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I have never served in the military.\u00a0 So, I always feel a tinge of guilt when I tell them I did it for God and country, and that even though I was wounded in action, I\u2019d do […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1040,1038,1039],"class_list":["post-2792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-army-humor","tag-barber-humor","tag-hair-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2792"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2792\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2810,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2792\/revisions\/2810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}